Dishonor
by BlueMew
Summary: Eighteen years have passed, and Integral's former husband Harker is still in charge of the Hellsing Organization, upsetting everyone but the Hellsing family. How can the vampires help it regain its former glory? Sequel to Disgrace. COMPLETE
1. Devries Fairbrook van Hellsing

Disgrace was one wild ride, and I'll just give a bunch of spoilers from it so that all from this new fic, Dishonor, will make sense.  
  
Integral Hellsing was made a vampire by Alucard about 18 years prior, and much to her shame, she was forced to tell her family and to marry her cousin Harker so that she could give the Organization to him without much scandal.  
  
Vampire Integral became pregnant with Harker's child, and delivered a daughter, Devries Fairbrook van Hellsing, giving both her and Harker ties to the leadership of the Hellsing Organization.  
  
After delivering her child, Integral was pronounced dead and began her new life as the Vampiress Argetni, while Harker left the country to pursue other personal matters. . . .  
  
I do not own Hellsing, Dracula, or anything else that I may use in this fic that was created by someone else. I do own Harker, Devries, Lillith, and any new oc's that are introduced, and I would appreciate if you let me know if you plan on using one of my characters.  
  
And if you're unfamiliar with the style of Disgrace and Dishonor, I will beg you to just try to go along with the journal entries. It actually makes it quite easy to read, something that one needs in a multi-chaptered fic.  
  
I hope that this fic can keep up to the standards of its predecessor. . . . Mew.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
September 28, Brussels, Belgium  
  
Father,  
Upon arrival to my new school, I am writing to you per your request, as well as on the wishes of Anika, who is terribly homesick already. Belgium is a nice country, and Anika and I spent our holiday before school begins riding the train from city to city buying chocolates and lace as souvenirs of our trip.  
Anika is glad to be out of Holland, since she does not feel so out of place here with her brown hair. For a sixteen year old girl she is incredibly foolish to be worried about something like her natural hair color, especially when she could just go to the stylist and have him make her a blond, like everyone else from home. It is not her fault that her mother has dark hair while mine had dark skin. I do not complain about looking like some bloody blond Indian like my mother before me, or that I am over 185 cm tall. She is also complaining about being away from her mother, and says she wishes to go back as soon as possible, though she two minutes before admitted that said she hated Holland and never wanted to go back. I swear I will leave her on a train one of these days if you do not purge her stupidity and the want for popularity from her.  
I, in contrast, miss you, Lillith, and Holland, but I realize it is my duty as the heir to the Hellsing Organization to fulfill my studies of the undead before my eighteenth birthday, when I will take over for you as my mother willed when she passed away during my birth. It is my honor and my duty to become everything Integral Wingates Hellsing hoped.  
My studies of the vampire have led me to some interesting discoveries about our family and our history with such monsters. Did you know that according to some members of our great family, Dracula did not die, but became a servant of those who tried to dispose of him that fateful night so long ago? What happened to him then? Do we have his remains locked in a basement or vault like so many pieces of fiction suggest? Did one of our ranks finally discover how to kill the Count and his story has been ended though not recorded in the history books? Or did we just happen to keep him as part of our troops, never saying who or what he is?  
Father, I know we have vampires working for the Hellsing Organization in the United Kingdom, and as much as you would like to deny this fact, I have seen at least two females throughout my life. One of these monsters is named Seras Victoria, and she is quite friendly, though much too like Anika for my liking. She used to visit me when I went to see Grandmother Wingates when I was younger, always asking me how I was being treated by you and Lillith, and if Anika was your favorite or showed any interest in wanting to run the Organization. I would have to laugh about the last one of her questions, as Anika is about as ambitious as a flea, though I suspect the flea's animal instincts would count as some sort of ambition to drive it to feed and the like, while Anika would forget to eat if she was not reminded of the mundane activity.  
The other female vampire is more of a mystery, and though I could not give you a description of her features, I am certain that I have felt the presence of this vampire throughout my life. When I was still a baby, I remember feeling the cold, prickling sensation than any dhampiric individual does when encountered by a vampire, but this sensation was coupled with warmth and sincerity as this female watched me look in to its glowing eyes as it hid in the shadows of my room. This same presence always greeted me on trips to the United Kingdom, and even when I would spend time with you in Haarlem at the manor house. This female is inconspicuous in her hauntings, and I would have never actually guessed her a vampire if the sensation that I feel around Seras Victoria was not the same as the sensation I feel around this vampiress. I do not understand why I am being followed by a vampire, but I am not afraid of her. I will not hesitate to kill the hellish beast if I must, for it is my sacred duty as the heir of Hellsing to purge the world of the undead, though I would like to know why she continues to haunt me to this very day.  
Alas, school is starting tomorrow, so I will be very busy with my studies, father. Give Walter a kiss on the cheek for me, and tell Lillith that I love her, and that Anika misses them both. Please do not be upset if I cannot write to you every day, but take that as a sign that everything is perfectly alright here in Brussels.  
I will let you know, Father, if this vampire comes to haunt me again, for I wish to banish her to Hell, never to feel her annoying presence again.  
I pray for your safety until God chooses to take you to Heaven dear Father.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Devries van Hellsing 


	2. The Vampiress Argetni

Ok. . . . so I hope y'all have figured out who Anika is. And if you believe that she's Integral's other daughter. . . .go back and reread chapter one a little closer.  
  
Speaking of Integral. . . . ^___^  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
September 30, Maastricht, NL  
  
Harker,  
Alucard, Seras, and I have completed the mission you sent us on in the southern reaches of the Netherlands, silencing twelve rogue ghouls, a werewolf, which I would have enjoyed to study if not for the complete and accurate blasts of the Harconen Cannon, and the lead vampire, a young man implanted with a FREAK chip that turned out to be quite easy prey for this trio.  
Unfortunately, the treaty that you signed with the Vatican allowed two of the FREAKS to escape across the border to Germany, and I will not be the one responsible for allowing either myself or my companions to overstep the boundaries set up by your unholy alliance between the Catholics and whatever you wish to be called now, for you have marred the reputation of the Hellsing Organization by making her the lap dog of the Vatican.  
We will continue following the vampires south in the hopes that they will cross over in to Belgian territory so that we may finally silence the two remaining FREAK vampires from this outbreak, and will continue to pursue them until they have traveled well beyond the lands in our protection.  
If not for the service pledged to my master upon her birth, I would have left you and your Organization to rot in the filth that you and your whore of a wife have created from the honorable name of Hellsing. We are no longer a truly Protestant and Anglican association dedicated to the royal family of our United Kingdom, but now we serve two additional royal families that do not always share the same interest as beloved England. How is this beneficial for anyone Harker? Think about it.  
Speaking of my Master, I have heard from Seras that you sent both Devries and Anika to Brussels to continue their schooling from a supposed master of the dark realm. Why would you not send them to the vampires that have been loyal to your family for ages, Mr. van Hellsing? What could a mortal instructor teach my Master that Alucard or I could not teach her ourselves? Hell, even Seras could teach Devries much more than any mortal ever could, and you know my feelings about the competency of Lieutenant Victoria.  
Perhaps if we draw near to Brussels, I will visit my Master yet again, this time allowing her to finally see what I look like, as well as introducing her to Alucard. She is full of questions about the true nature of vampires Harker, and it is best not to keep a child ignorant, especially a child that is destined to lead an association such as Hellsing. Such lack of training and sheer ignorance is demonstrated in your leadership ability, and we do not need another incompetent dolt in the highest office of our military.  
I would also like to see you take Anika away from the training that Devries is supposed to be receiving alone. Your daughter with your second wife is in no way eligible to lead a noble organization, as she does not carry the Hellsing blood as your daughter Devries does. A simple blood typing test will prove this fact, and tests results from all previous leaders beside yours have shown the same blood type as Sir Integra.  
I will bring harm to your younger daughter if she does not show signs of wanting to truly leave the Hellsing Organization alone so my Master can be its leader. Anika is just as stupid as you were at her age, so she will not be difficult to trick in to leaving the family.  
Alas, day is breaking, so I must get this letter to post so my companions and I can hide from the light of day so that we may continue our mission to find all the rogue vampires tomorrow.  
  
In the name of God, Impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen.  
  
Argetni 


	3. The Vampire Alucard

Just another one of the old stock characters that everyone enjoys for some unknown reason ^_^  
  
And as always, I still don't own Hellsing. Otherwise it would have had a better ending than what they gave us.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 1, Liege, B  
  
This is the last time we ever allow the Police Girl to be the one in charge of the map . . . . We ended up making it to Hanover before she realized that we turned the wrong way and had to hurry back within the bounds of our treaty with the Vatican.  
But, Argetni and I do enjoy playing tricks on the dear Police Girl. It's not like we have anything better to do when we're supposed to be out chasing nonexistent vampires. We all had a good laugh at Seras's expense, and I'm certain one of these days she will have her revenge, but until that time, we might as well torment the weakest of our membership.  
Thank God for giving us a stupid leader of the Organization, for the three vampires in the service of Harker van Hellsing have always completed their missions, but then have always had time to pursue interests of their own accord by convincing him of the dangers of creatures that have never plagued the world or about pledging our unwavering service to his family and not the heir, though we all know where the intentions and services of the vampires and Walter lead to- the ascension of Devries to the leadership of the Hellsing Organization.  
Devries is the reason that we have created the fictional FREAKS to chase through Belgium, for the three of us need to help our little master finally take her place in the grand game called existence.  
Argetni is plagued by the thought of finally meeting our little master without her father or sister nearby, allowing us to speak freely to Devries about her responsibilities and duty to her family. She is terrified that the girl will try to kill her upon arrival in Brussels, or will not believe a word of what she will say in the hopes of gaining the trust and respect of the seventeen year old girl. We all know that Harker has specifically hired teachers to train the girl on the methods of killing ones like Argetni, since he knows that it was her wish for the girl to be the head of the Organization, not him nor his daughter with the secretary, Anika van Hellsing.  
My master decided to move on ahead of both Seras and I, hoping to make it to Brussels before daybreak so she can catch the girl before she goes out to the Belgian clubs for the weekend tomorrow night, even though I assured Argetni that the thought of clubbing never appealed to little Devries.  
It is a pity to see Devries Fairbrook Hellsing growing up to be exactly like her mother was before the transformation by my blood, though I have been warned and threatened within an inch of my preternatural life that I will be silenced permanently if I even once offer Devries the gift of immortality.  
Argetni hasn't lost her spunk, which is absolutely adorable. I will be devastated when she loses that aspect of her humanity.  
Devries looks exactly like her mother did at that age, with her lovely bronze skin, her icy blue eyes, almost platinum hair, too-tall stature, and if she had the need to wear glasses, no one would be able to guess that she was not Sir Integra. It will be a pleasure to serve her.  
Argetni has kept the letter she wrote to her daughter safe in her possession, and is carrying it with her on this trip to Brussels hoping to slip it in one of her daughter's schoolbooks so she can find and read the words her mother wrote so long ago and hopefully take them to heart, deciding to side with us instead of her father and step-mother. I hope for Argetni's sanity that the girl will make the right decision.  
I surely hope that Argetni will be pleased with the results of her quest to bring her daughter in to the world of the undead and earthbound souls, for I am not ready to deal with more regrets and complaints from my beloved Master.  
  
Existence is but an endless waltz. . . . .  
  
Alucard 


	4. Devries 2

And so, it begins. . . .the tale of the rise of Devries Hellsing.  
  
Please bear with me for the next few chapters, for it will be Devries, and only Devries, writing in her journal and to her sister, etc. I am hoping to make these entries quite substantial, but that remains to be seen, as I'm typing this disclaimer before I write the body of the chapter yet again. *makes note not to do this as often as it occurs anymore*  
  
*hugs Alucard's Familiar and Melrose Stormhaven* My first two reviewers! Thank you for reading this and for letting me know that you've read it! I'm glad you enjoy the words that I write, for the sequel belongs to my readers.  
  
And everyone, please review. I'm doing this sequel as a request to a few people, so let me know if you're reading it, okay?  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 2  
  
I am going to have an incredibly long day today.  
Last night as I lay asleep, the familiar sensation of the woman vampire that has been haunting me since I was an infant came again, and though I did not wake, I felt the vampire draw nearer than she has ever before, and after the female looked over me for a few minutes, placed an envelope on my nightstand, then disappeared as quickly as she arrived.  
Anika is sleeping in the same room as me, and when I asked her about feeling the presence of a vampire in the room with us last night when we walked to school together, she said that it was probably just a bad dream that I had, since vampires would never come near us, since we are of the most honorable Hellsing family.  
Just comparing our skills in detecting the preternatural is a very easy way for one to determine that I am the one appointed by God Himself to lead the Hellsing Organization.  
First, let me go back to the point of this journal entry. I awoke before Anika, as usual, and upon wiping the sleep from my eyes, I noticed an envelope that was just like the one from the supposed dream placed neatly on my nightstand, with only my name written in a flowery hand upon the front. Pulling a robe over my nightdress and stepping in to my slippers, I carried the letter downstairs to the kitchen, as to tell the cook what I wished to eat this morning, and to have some privacy from little Anika, who would automatically assume that I received a love letter or some other nonsense.  
As I waited for my breakfast, I pulled my chair near the window and opened the letter that the vampire had left for me, scanning it for any signs of trickery or black magicks, and it contained nothing more than common ink used by any normal person.  
But it was the content of the letter that disturbed me most of all. Apparently, this female vampire, this blasphemous Argetni, claims that she is my mother! My mother has been dead for years, and Lillith has been as good as any stepmother is expected to be! This Argetni is in the service of MY Organization, and she will be punished for spreading such lies about my past and my origins! How many others were given this letter that will forever tarnish my character and the character of Sir Integral Hellsing before me!?  
She even claimed that my talent of sensing vampires is because my mother, her, this Argetni, is a vampire. Absurd! Dhampirs are created by male vampires and female humans, not the other way around or are people that are just lucky enough to have the needed talents to sense vampires! There have never been any cases in any of my studies that have proven that any female preternatural creature can have a child of any type!  
But one part of her letter frightened me, and this is the reason I must find this Argetni as soon as possible. I had never noticed that I am a regenerator, as I never was in any life threatening situation, nor have I ever injured myself enough to warrant prolonged pain or suffering.  
Taking a grapefruit knife that was lying on the plate that the cook brought out to me with my breakfast, I slammed the blade in to my wrist, dragging it down the length of the purple vein before pulling it back out. To my amazement, though I could see my blood pooling on the table below the cut, I could also see my body repairing itself very quickly, and in less than a minute, no one could tell where I cut myself.  
Of course, Anika had to come downstairs as I was cleaning my blood from the table, and of course, she was curious as to what happened and how I fixed everything, you know, all of the normal stuff a regular kid would ask about. So I explained that I spilled a glass of tomato juice, which she believed, and then together we ate our meal and left for school after dressing and gathering our books.  
Anika left me as soon as we were at the school building, for she goes to regular classes with students her own age, and I headed down to the basement where my classes discussing the occult and theology were held. I am the only student in the field right now, but the class is being held because my father wishes it to be held.  
If he would have let me stay in Amsterdam, I am certain I could have had some friends in class with me, for this kind of thing is more acceptable in Amsterdam than anywhere else in the world.  
I showed my instructor the note when my studies were to start, and he read it over, becoming increasingly more alarmed with each word and with each time through this Argetni's words. Instructor has never heard of this Vampiress Argetni, so he told me to return home for the day so he could find information about her.  
Thankful to be away from school and the mundane drudgery of classes such as Flemish Composition and English level Five, I headed home through the town, where I found some archaic books of vampires of England at a darkened little shop on one of the backstreets, since this Argenti seems to be of English descent because of her writing style and affinity for the Hellsing Organization. Unfortunately, there is no mention of Argetni in the book, nor was there any of her companion Alucard, but there was much information about Lieutenant Seras Victoria and her role as a Hellsing agent in the war against the undead.  
Not that it was tedious to read about one of Hellsing's vampires, and though I adored every word about Lieutenant Victoria, she is not of my concern right now. I only wish to find information about this Argetni and why she claims to be my mother.  
Perhaps I should phone Father tonight and ask him these questions, but knowing my father, he will just laugh and tell me to stop making up stories about vampires that never existed, or tell me that some boy is trying to get my attention by scaring me with notes, then add in that I need to find a boyfriend and to start dating, for Anika has already been steadily dating Ian Hasbrouck for almost three years now. How bloody pathetic that he wishes me to settle down and become someone's wife before I even have a chance to lead my Organization.  
Father is far too jovial to lead the Hellsing Organization, otherwise he would be able to spot the problems that were already occurring within the ranks of the troops and even in his own house. I know that he wishes Anika to take control of the Organization alongside me, but his constant pressure for her to step up to her responsibility has just made her even more of a free spirit, never wishing to study or be serious for even a short period of time.  
I do not hate my father, and I never have felt any ill will toward him. I just wish for once in my life I could have a steady-tempered and focused adult to look to for advice and help with any problems I face with normal life and with the life of a Protestant Knight.  
If only I had not killed my mother by being born I would have such a figure in my young and inexperienced life. Integral, please, accept my pleas for forgiveness for what I have done to you. You gave your life so that I could have one. Please, let your soul live on in my work, as I will become everything that you ever dreamed for yourself.  
I will write more as soon as I meet this vampire Argetni tonight. As far as Anika will know, I will lay down, but as soon as she is asleep, I will awaken and go out to the roof to wait for the blasphemous vampire that claims to be my mother.  
I do hope that I will not be waiting in vain.  
  
Devries 


	5. Devries 3

I don't think there's a single piece of music that has inspired this fic, which is highly unusual for my works. . . . .  
  
Same disclaimers, same everything. . . . .Hell, even the same character is speaking. FYI, kliks is the abbreviation for kilometers used in Europe and Canada, and perhaps other places as well. And since Mew really does think in metric for some odd and unknown reason, I'll be using it instead of the traditional American measurements.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 3  
  
Why I decided to wait for Argetni on the roof in a country that is located on the North Sea during winter is beyond my comprehension. But as I finally heard Anika's breathing grow steady and deep, I quietly slipped my shoes and coat on before wrapping my blanket around my shoulders, climbing out the window of our room and on to the roof, where I silently awaited for her.  
It did not take very long for Argetni to come by in a blast of icy wind that picked me up from the rooftop and carried me a few kliks away from the house where my sister and I reside before setting me down on the sidewalk, then helping me wrap the blanket over my shoulders better, as it had been disturbed during the flight from the rooftop.  
I could do absolutely nothing but stare at the vampire in front of me, as I was in utter shock. I still cannot believe what I saw. Argetni, for all her absolute beauty which is the result of her succubic nature, is just a few centimeters taller version of me.  
She was wearing an androgynous green suit, accented by a blue tie and a golden cross pin, and perfectly round violet glasses that made her reddened eyes appear almost human. This woman was the same as every painting and photograph of my mother that I had ever seen!  
Needless to say, this haunting resemblance between this Argetni and Integral Hellsing frightened me. Quickly, I pulled my gun, aiming for the monster's head, screaming that I was the rightful heir to Hellsing, and that she would pay for this trick she was trying to pull, and if she harmed me, she would have hell to pay, because my father would have her hunted.  
Apparently, the comment about my father amused Argetni, and she began to laugh, needing to wipe the blood tears from her eyes a few times when I asked her what was so funny about Harker van Hellsing.  
"Harker is hilarious because that dolt would be glad to see you dead at my hands beloved, for then your sister would be in charge of my Organization, and I would go in to the sun for my sins, leaving him free to run Hellsing as a Catholic friendly and American-like association."  
Why I remember her first words to me, I am not certain, but seeing this vampire that looks like me poking fun at my father was actually calming for my nerves. She made absolute sense, since even I feel that my father is spreading Hellsing too thin and that he spends too much time worrying about trying to please the Vatican by signing treaties and policing non-Anglican nations.  
Argetni began to then recount my birth and life, telling me intimate secrets that not even my parents or sister know, like how I would sneak down to the dungeons of the manor in London and came across furnished rooms with no inhabitants, or that I secretly used to have a crush on Walter, or even that I secretly wondered why I had to be granted such height, since girls should be willowy and short, like my sister Anika.  
Argetni sighed as she lit a cigar, and leaned against a building before continuing with her stories, explaining how and why she became the vampire I saw before me, and that if I needed to check for absolute accuracy of her tales, that I should use my dhampiric abilities to probe her mind, since she would let me.  
It was hard to swallow this truth, as Hellsing family members are supposed to have the sense and honor to their pure family blood to end their own existences if they become tainted with the blood of the undead, and yet, Argetni seemed proud of her new life as a succubus, and of the fact that she is a member of the true undead.  
How could I have been so blind to the truth about my mother, especially after all this time? Lillith constantly dropped hints about being afraid for her life if "number one" ever became jealous of her new title, and also dear Walter would always tell me that I would be meeting my mother soon enough. I just figured that I would die early like every other Hellsing leader before me, so I would see her in heaven.  
God help me for the sins of my parents.  
Argetni then offered to take me for something to drink, and though I was wrapped in a blanket and wearing night clothes, I agreed to her offer, and we ended up walking to a small pub just inside the city limits, where we sat and I had a glass of white wine while Argetni ordered herself a Bloody Mary, forcing me to take a sip before she pulled out a flask from her suit pocket and dropped some real blood in the drink before she began to drink on her own accord.  
Argetni just questioned me until closing time about my training, what I had learned and what I did not feel I knew adequately, and if Anika had any ambition of taking over the Organization. I answered these easily enough, and the vampire at the table with me seemed pleased with most of my answers, but she did not like the lack of training I had received with my regeneration skills, as I had just learned about my possession of the gift the day before.  
Granted, there is no way she would ever send me to Father Anderson or any of the other Vatican lackeys that have the same ability for training, but she said that her maker Alucard would be able to teach me how to do such things, but that I would need Harker's permission before I considered doing any training with either her or Alucard, because she did not wish to be labeled as a traitor to the Organization.  
I must write father and have a written response from him so that I can hand Argetni the piece of paper offering his consent of the lessons, which I will do shortly. Father should be easy to convince if this Argetni is truly a great vampire and teacher as she says she is.  
As soon as the pub closed for the night, Argetni led me to the center of town, where we stood admiring the statues around the city and we passed the night speaking of trivialities of both of our lives, and we had a good laugh about my father yet again when she told me that she told him that all of her partners would need to go to Belgium to hunt down some escaped FREAK vampires since he believed her lies, and never questioned her motives for doing practically anything for the Organization.  
Argetni took me home after the long night, caressing my cheeks with her cold yet soft hands and kissing my forehead many times before taking her leave, promising to return tomorrow so I could meet Alucard and Seras so long as I did not tell Anika of her visit or anything else that we may discuss in any upcoming visits by either her, Alucard, or Seras.  
I want to believe this vampire's story about who she was as a human and what she is now, but I cannot fully believe that my father would have bedded an undead creature, and then the same undead creature was able to conceive and carry a child in order to have me so I could lead the Hellsing Organization. Father may be easy to joke about, but he does have sense and honor about his actions.  
I will write again about my meeting with Argenti that we planned for tomorrow as soon as I get the chance, as I have spent too much time writing this entry and also staying out with Argetni, as I still have a composition due for Flemish, which I have not started yet, and it is due in three hours.  
  
Devries 


	6. Harker Miles van Hellsing

Yay! More reviewers for my stuff! I love you all!  
  
And as for where Devries comes from, why I chose it, and all that. . . .  
  
Devries is a more common last name in Holland, usually spelled De Vries. De Vries literally translates to "The Freeze". Devries has also become a woman's first name recently, and people tend to say that it means "freesia" like the flower instead of like freezing cold like it means as a word. Kabalarian philosophy says that the first name Devries gives the person a tenacity of purpose and makes her extremely independent. She is so narrowly focused on her pursuits that she lacks the personal understanding that allows for comradery and friendship. And finally, one day as I was just randomly thinking, before I'd looked anything up about the name and its origin or meaning, I thought "You know, Wingates is a bloody stupid middle name for Integra. Integral Devries Hellsing just sounds better." (Yes, I do sit and overanalyze things like anime and black squirrels.)  
  
Anyway, on to chapter 6!  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 3, via email  
  
Devries,  
I received your telephone message from Walter just this afternoon, and I was quite surprised by the words which you spoke to me. I must demystify some of the sentiments that Argetni has worked upon your fragile mind.  
Argetni is in no way your mother. She is a succubus that your mother's pet Alucard brought to the service of the Hellsing Organization after she and I were engaged to be married. Apparently, Alucard was quite smitten with the woman because of her uncanny resemblance to your mother, and changed her name to suit his purpose of annoying Teggy, for I believe she was called Trude or something odd before her arrival in England from wherever he found her.  
Argetni's presence did upset your mother, as she did not like to think of Alucard fawning over what could easily pass for her twin when he had spent years of service to my dear Teggy and seemed to adore every word or action she directed at him before I was introduced to the Organization.  
Alucard was jealous that his forbidden fruit had found the arms of another, so he wanted to cause as much turmoil in the house of Hellsing as possible, and he succeeded. I blame Argetni for your mother's death, as the succubus would like to drain your mother's blood to make herself more potent for Alucard when they lay together, teasing him with the mortal blood he would never taste if he valued his existence. Each time Argetni would feed from Teggy, she became constantly weaker, until finally she spent too much of her energy, and was forced to pass on to heaven.  
I wished to keep Argetni and Alucard from your life because of the trickery and lies that vampires must tell to remain the servants of Satan. I knew that together they would plot against the family yet again, for if there is no surviving member of our most noble and pure Hellsing blood, their bondage to our family will be severed, and they can reclaim their titles as the king and queen of their kinds, plaguing the world with more vile monsters like them in their reign of terror.  
As for the fact that you are a regenerator, I do not know what to say beloved daughter. Most regenerators that our ally Section XIII employs are man made beings that utilize nanomachines that can regenerate limbs and heal wounds if the injury is not too great. Father Anderson is a true regenerator, and if you would like to be tested to see whether or not you are really a regenerator, I can arrange for a trip to Rome during your next school holiday. I do not understand why you would even have such talents, since neither your mother nor I ever showed any regenerative skills.  
Then again, you were blessed with the gift of sensing vampires with just your mind, so perhaps you have been granted other powers by God, such as these supposed regenerative properties.  
I do not wish for you to meet with Argetni or any of her comrades from now on Devries. Please take me seriously, as I know what kinds of tricks these monsters are capable of and I do not wish to see you turned in to a vampire or worse.  
I pray that your studies are going well, and that you are taking care of your little sister. You are the world to Anika, and to me. Please do not disappoint either of us by becoming trapped in the clutches of the vampires of our Organization.  
I wish to find the lore that describes how to silence each of our vampires permanently, but that piece of information was locked in your mother's memory, and since she is no longer with the living, she cannot whisper the words of how to destroy the strongest of all vampires to either of us anymore. Hellsing does not need vampires to do her sacred duty, but your mother and grandfather could not understand that simple fact.  
Perhaps that will be your legacy Devries. You will relearn how to destroy the worst of the vampires and allow their souls the sanctuary of returning to Hell instead of being tormented by their earthbound existence.  
Remember- Jesus Christ is in Heaven. So is your mother.  
  
H.M.v.H. 


	7. Devries 4

Take a wild guess as to what I'm doing as I write this chapter.. I'm supposed to be student teaching. I find that really funny. But another girl is teaching today because her teacher is absent, so she came over to my teacher because the sub didn't want her there. *makes no sense*  
  
Anyway, I've been having people IM me about what they'd like to see. . . . all I can say is wait to find out what happens ^_^  
  
And review to keep Mew happy.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 4  
  
I am quite uncertain as to what I shall do with this new aspect of my life! My father's reply did not surprise me that he wishes for me not to spend time with the vampires of our Organization, but now that Argetni has introduced me to Alucard and Seras, I want to learn from these vampires that have pledged their service to me! Imagine! I have my own army of the undead to command and use against other preternatural beings when I take my place as the head of Hellsing!  
Let me recount what happened this wondrous night: I waited for Anika to fall asleep before going out to the roof to wait for the vampires, this time staying dressed in winter clothing so I would not freeze as I did with Argetni's prior visit. No sooner was I on the roof that the rush of wind that carried me away from the place where I waited the previous time, carried me away to a different part of the city, and again, I was face to face with the vampire that claimed to be my mother.  
Argetni was not wearing the green suit as she had worn the night before, but today was wearing tight fitting leather pants and stiletto heeled boots, a deep purple high collared silk shirt, and a leather jacket with her almost translucent hair flying loose around her face. She did not wear the violet glasses as before, but instead seemed proud to show her reddened eyes to the world, not wearing any glasses, but perhaps that is because vampires have better eyesight than humans.  
Immediately, she asked me about my father's reply to my question, and I sadly informed her that he did not want me near her or any of her vampiric cohorts, saying that he would prefer to send me to the Vatican and Father Anderson than to have me work with vampires to learn my skills as a regenerator.  
Of course, Father's words just make me want to spend even more time with this female vampire.  
As we walked through the city, Argetni looking unphased by the cold winds and wearing only a leather jacket as protection while I had my hooded coat tightly wrapped around my body, she asked if I believed she was truly my mother.  
I could not answer this woman. I still do not know what to believe about the validity of her claims, yet if one just looks at the physical evidence of our appearances and mannerisms, it can easily be decided that this vampire is my mother.  
In no time we had reached a bar near the edge of the city where we both entered, and waiting for us in the back corner were her vampiric cohorts Alucard and Seras Victoria. I recognized Miss Victoria immediately, since of this group, she is the one I have had the most contact with. She was wearing jeans and a sweater under a furry coat, and looked the most human of the three with her flushed skin and choice in clothing.  
Alucard was another matter. He sat on a stool, looking over at Argetni as we entered, obviously waiting just for her. He was dressed in a red duster-type coat and was wearing yellow tinted glasses, and his clothing underneath was black. His dark hair was messy and hung long down his back, and before taking her place on his lap, Argetni smirked and asked what had happened to his hat as she ran her willowy fingers through his untamed locks.  
Watching Argetni work her demonic magic horrified me. Alucard, who is supposedly the strongest vampire in existence according to my studies, remained as if spellbound as the platinum haired monster straddled his legs, holding his jaw with one hand as she forced a kiss with her tongue before trailing her fangs down his neck to pierce the vein of the immortal, drawing blood in what an observer would describe as a scene out of a scandalous movie.  
I shielded my eyes from this nonsense, though I could hear Lieutenant Victoria mutter something about Argetni being no better than a common whore, and the continual suckling of the blood from the tiny puncture marks in the elder vampire's throat while he groaned in ecstasy.  
Argetni immediately apologized to both Seras and me for her rudeness, but since she had not fed in about a week's time, she was quite starved for both of her cravings, and the bloodlust was easier to suppress in public than was traditional lust. I do have to agree about this, for I would have been thoroughly terrified to have seen this woman that claims to be my mother having sex in the middle of a bar. She remained seated on Alucard's lap, her bewitching eyes trained upon me as we continued our conversation about my training, and it seemed that both other vampires were in agreement with her thoughts about each of them helping me learn the essentials of my new life as a Protestant Knight.  
Starting tomorrow, instead of going to school as I would normally, I will head to the deserted house where the three vampires are residing temporarily so I can begin classes in the ways to properly run the Hellsing Organization and to use my gifts as effectively as I could ever imagine.  
Tricking Anika in to believing that I am still going to school will be the biggest challenge that we will face, because if she knows that I am spending time with these vampires, she will tell Father, and Father will be incredibly upset with my behavior.  
I am going to try to convince her to go back to England because that is where her boyfriend Ian lives and attends school. Maybe her foolish belief in love can be enough to push her far away from here, even though father wants us to attend the same school and do the same job when we are adults. It is quite annoying to be waiting for little Anika to do everything that I am supposed to do. She does not wish to be a Hellsing or to lead any sort of organization, not even things like Pony Club or Science Club, since she enjoys both of those subjects quite a bit.  
I could easily begin another rant about Anika and what she is allowed to do, but I must finish with the meeting between the vampires and me.  
Each vampire is to teach me something different about the Hellsing Organization. Argetni is going to show me how to properly manage an army and how to be correct in my proceedings with the Protestant Knights, Alucard is going to show me how to use my regenerative skills, and Seras has pledged to help me understand what it is like to actually be part of the military, what the troops feel as they rush blindly in to battle for God, Country, and Hellsing, and how to use any and all sorts of weapons that are needed in the battles with the undead.  
I am quite excited to begin such classes, as they will be better for my training than the bookwork that Father wishes me to pursue. I just hope that I will live up to the expectations of my instructors, since I have no idea what vampires will value from a student.  
Tomorrow, I must figure a way to trick Anika and to withdraw from classes at the school without Father knowing anything has happened.  
  
Devries 


	8. Anika Lillith van Hellsing

*hugs Harker* Poor guy. I love you if no one else does. And trust me. . . .there ARE plans for Harker. Many, many plans which will remain secret until the time is right to post them in a chapter, but alas, that time is not now.  
  
Same old disclaimers. Oh, and if anyone has a problem with the content of the previous chapter being too graphic, let me know. I'll de-lime the fic if needed, but since a kiss alone is not enough to warrant a NC-17 rating, I believe it is fine, though maybe I should kick the rating up to R to be safe. What do you think?  
  
So that's my question for the reviewers. . . .should the kiss be pulled and should the rating be higher. . . . answer via reviews!  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 9  
  
Something is wrong with Devries. I cannot explain what has happened to my sister to allow for such a rapid change in her disposition, but it is quite frightening to have seen Devries smiling and chatting happily about what she does each day after school or just general comments like the weather when my sister used to never speak to me outside of formalities and she never once would have smiled in her life, even for photographs to send to our grandparents.  
Maybe my big sister has finally found a boyfriend to soften her callous heart, and the strong yet gentle touches given by a man's hand have made her want to be more feminine and less cold to the world. I can only hope that this is the case, because Devries really does need a man in her life. She might not be as much of an uptight bitch then.  
After I finished my homework tonight, I headed to Devries' study where I found her humming some classical tune as she flipped through one of her huge texts; this one was about God-granted talents given to mankind in order to help fulfill his Holy work. The only reason I knew what this book contained was because of the picture of the Sin Eater and the marks that he left on corpses she was staring at and tracing her finger over. As soon as I announced my presence, Devries snapped the book shut and slammed it on the table, but she was smiling as she turned around in her chair to look at me, so I asked why she has been so happy the past few days.  
It was not surprising to hear my sister say that nothing was out of the ordinary with her life and studies, and that I should not worry about such trivial matters for if Father has his wish, I will be running the Hellsing Organization alongside Devries. If one were to compile a list of the most common responses that Devries gives to me for any question I ask, that one would top the list.  
She then chided me for rolling my eyes and clucking my tongue at her reaction to my question. So perhaps Devries is only in a good mood because she wanted to use it against me in her daily torment, but I really believe that she finally found a boyfriend!  
Turning back to her book, Devries asked me to move back to London so she could have her privacy in her final year of study in formal institutions, and so that I could be back near Ian for when I needed to be near my boyfriend and all that other rot that comes along with coupling.  
I do not want to go back to England now that a new school year has already started. Besides, Father wanted the both of us to improve our Flemish and French, and what better way for that to happen then to send us to a country where those are the two majority languages. I do not wish to upset my father, although that seems of little concern to Devries as of late, since Walter keeps leaving phone messages for my sister to stop emailing nonsense to our father's account.  
When I told Devries about the messages, she just rolled her eyes and clucked her tongue, the first adolescent-like reaction she's ever given anyone in her life. She doesn't think that father should care about what she says in her messages to him, but that he should be glad that she is actually writing to him.  
I really hope that whoever my sister is dating, if she really is dating, will be strong enough to handle my sister's tirades and bitter cold attitude toward all but perfection from herself and others, because it is Devries' legacy to bear a child that will be the heir to Hellsing, just as her maternal line has done for generations, or something like that, and we need to keep any man that shows any interest in my sister interested long enough for him to finally propose to marry her.  
I think I will have to become as devious of a little sister as Devries already thinks that I am. I must follow her in school and out of school to see what this boyfriend of hers is like, and if he is worthy of the time of a van Hellsing. If he is not worthy of my sister, then I will push him away from her, because Devries just does not need to be hurt by any man, for her relationships with them are nonexistent to fragile already, and the heir to Hellsing must not be in a same sex relationship- think of the scandal and the paparazzi that would be trying to break down our doors!  
And if that doesn't work, I'll just have to unseal her journal.  
  
Anika 


	9. Alucard 2

*laughs* Wow. I can't believe someone took Anika's concern as her being a spoiled brat. . . . . that was totally not my intention for that chapter. I was just hoping to show that she's actually kind of normal (as normal as one growing up in that family can be) and was more overjoyed than anything to see her sister finally not appear depressed or emotionless.  
  
Same disclaimers, and that's about it. Time to change around the POV of this fic for a while.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 13  
  
Devries is going to come with us to London for Christmas Holiday this year, and I will steal her away from that bastard father of hers if needed. Like he could stop me even if he tried. Hell, he couldn't stop Seras if he tried.  
But then again, he likes Seras. Maybe we should send her to Haarlem to soften the blow of not having Devries home for the holiday. My master just chuckled at the idea as she drew it from my mind when we lay together the last time, loving the idea that Seras could possibly ruin Harker's reputation with a few well timed photographs.  
He would lose his precious Lillith if that woman ever found out that her husband was cheating on her, with no less than a vampire that is in his services. Then again, it's been almost fifteen years since the affair between Seras and Harker began, and it seems as if Seras is the only one who is ashamed of this fact.  
Argetni was furious when she first found out, threatening to kill Seras by the worst possible means, but then after a few months of separation and reflection, my master thought it was more than hilarious to think of her former husband trying to replace her in his bed by recruiting any vampire he could.  
This is just another reason that we enjoy so much freedom under the rule of Harker van Hellsing, as Seras keeps teasing him with her feminine qualities, and also promising that if he's good enough to all of us, she will convince Argetni to be his again.  
Oh, that was amusing to see Harker's reaction to Argetni after not seeing her for almost a decade. The portrait of Sir Integral Hellsing that he had commissioned after her death was hanging in his office beside the portraits of the other Hellsing leaders, and when he entered one night, Argetni was standing there, wearing a tight fitting hunter corset and leather studded mini skirt with thigh high boots because she was planning on going out to feed on a mortal that night and needed to attract them the easiest way it is possible for a woman to do so. She commented that the skin on the portrait was too dark, as it made her look African instead of just tanned, before walking over to the desk that was formerly hers and leaning over to give him an eyeful of cleavage that was barely remaining in the tight apparel.  
How could I have been far away from this entertainment? I was hiding in a shadow and had to bite my lip to keep from laughing as he reached out and caressed her mocha skin, for Argetni is getting darker as she ages, to which she just chuckled. He begged for her to stay so he could have what was rightfully his through the bonds of marriage in the Holy Anglican Church.  
That was his biggest mistake, quoting the church in front of my Master. Argetni does not wish to be in service to any church whatsoever now that she must live off the basest of sins, so my beautiful master turned on the heel of her boot and grabbed his wrists pinning them above his head, for she is taller than Harker, and growled a warning before ripping a piece of his cheek from his face, then lapping the blood away from it, making sure that it was the most painful experience he had ever been through.  
Ahh, how this old mind likes to think of the past. . . .  
As for taking Devries on holiday with us, I do not think it will be very difficult to convince the girl, for she is taking wonderfully well to her studies, and can now even be shot in the chest without being stopped. Once she can stop bullets before they pierce deeply in to her skin, I will shoot her in the heart and then the head. Only then will I consider her a fully trained regenerator, as regrowing limbs was an easy task for her to learn.  
Seras has also made her into a fine marksman in quite a short time, and with her mental abilities to track my kind, she has even effectively brought me out of my other forms, and has learned the best spot to aim in to the fog whereas to break my concentration so I will retake my human form.  
Granted, she doesn't kill me, but it is startling to have a human that can work just as well as any vampire in existence. She could lead and be Hellsing's army all at the same time.  
As for her diplomacy skills, this is the area where she is lacking the most, but her teacher was never the best of diplomats either. Argetni is upset that the girl laughs too much about learning of the Protestant Knights, how to deploy troops accurately, and how to read reports of unnatural occurrences to decide whether or not they warrant the help of the Hellsing Organization.  
She needs to remain in England until it is time for the coup to dethrone Harker van Hellsing, for it is the only land where she will remain safe from the prying eyes of her family.  
I do hope Seras is charming enough to allow Harker to grant us permission to take his daughter from him. Not that it matters, but it is funny to hear the tales that she tells of the leader of our Organization and the great effort he puts in to keeping his relationship with a vampire secret.  
Then again, why should we care about the trivial matters of mortals? If we want the girl, we will take her, no matter what. It will be as simple as that.  
  
Alucard 


	10. Lieutenant Seras Victoria

Still going from the characters of Disgrace's POV's here. And I hope that you enjoyed the visual of Argetni in a corset Pokkie. ^_^ And just wait for another chapter or two before the whole scandal that Anika described unfolds. I mean, I've got to live up to the title, right?  
  
Anyway, same old everything. And I don't think I'll be asking too much to get at least three reviews before posting the next chapter. Doesn't seem like people noticed my last couple updates, so I might as well see if the interest is out there still.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 15, Haarlem, NL  
  
Mission completed. Masters, you may take Devries wherever you like now.  
But I know you too well to be able to leave my report at that Masters, for you enjoy hearing the scandalous details of Harker and my relationship. Don't worry. . .I won't disappoint, and you can continue the book that will bring about the downfall of the current leader of the Hellsing Organization.  
I arrived in Haarlem two days ago, but I could not approach Harker at that time because Lillith had not left on her trip to her sister's in London because the weather has been absolutely dreadful in the UK. Finally, she was able to find a seat on a flight to her home, and I was able to move in to Harker's life yet again.  
The salt-and-pepper haired man that Harker has become was quite surprised to see me in his office not even an hour after his wife left. I borrowed one of Argetni's silk tanks and leather skirts, and just smirked at him as he looked across his desk at me, not certain of what he should do about my presence.  
I explained that you two did not need my help with hunting down random FREAK vampires as I slid over to his desk, sitting on the mahogany surface with my legs crossed, and that I was really bored and was tired of the cold climate that blew in off the North Sea.  
The idiot said he could keep me warm, and though I wanted to laugh at the absurdity, I kept my composure, telling him not to touch me, and sometimes having to push his hands away, because I did not want his wife to find out about this relationship.  
After many promises that she would never be able to harm me, and that he would rather lose the Hellsing Organization and Lillith than lose me, I allowed him the pleasure he seeks from my companionship.  
Argetni, I pity you and your existence. The tedium that comes from being Harker's favorite is making me want to kill the bloody bastard before the time is right for such an event to occur. I don't know how you can handle the cravings of lust, for I would have ended my existence long ago if I craved more than just blood.  
Afterwards, I began my preparations to leave the manse for the dungeons below so I could spend the day in the darkness, Harker kept drilling me as to why I would come to him after spending almost two years away from the manor house and more importantly, him. I could only shrug and say that the missions that we've been on have been far too straining for any of the vampires to have but a few hours to spend to themselves, and that usually when I have free time, Lillith is at home with him. I believe that he accepts my words as the truth.  
I then decided that there would be no great time to ask about Devries situation, and upon the mentioning of her name, Harker sighed and told me to relay to both of you that Devries should be left alone, and he has explicitly told her that the vampires of the Organization could bring her no good graces from God, the Queen, or him personally.  
So I just shrugged, and held out a few pictures of Harker and my escapades throughout the years, some showing both him and me in very compromising positions and situations, and though I do not wish for anyone to see these photographs, I immediately stated that copies would find their way to Lillith and Anika if he were to not allow his heir to return to London with just you two for the holiday.  
Grudgingly, he agreed to allow Devries access to leave the Continent, and he will bring Anika home to Haarlem for her holiday break, and will just site the reason as the maternal side of Devries family wishes for her to spend Christmas with them for once in her life.  
I plan on remaining in Haarlem with Harker until Lillith returns. Let Devries know about the good news of her upcoming trip, and perhaps Argetni can give her marksmanship lessons until I meet with you again.  
And though I wish to remain in Haarlem for a while, do not forget that my loyalties lie with my vampiric masters and the human master that they serve. I may prove to appear traitorous at times, but please do not harm me for such activities. You two need an informant that can work with the van Hellsing family, making me quite invaluable to your cause.  
Until then, I wish you joy and luck in the training of our little master. May she make us proud.  
  
Lieutenant Seras Victoria 


	11. Harker 2

*continues hugging Harker* Poor man.. You just keep being tricked by those vampire women. But here's one to think about dear readers. . . .do you remember the first chapter of Disgrace? Integral was tricked into being bedded by Alucard. Could it be something about the vampire/human relationship that makes the mortal so incredibly weak willed when set next to a vampire and his or her desires?  
  
And since I've decided he's been looked upon so negatively as of late, here's Harker!  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 18  
  
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been three years since my last confession, and I wish to find the absolution that comes with your love, no matter the penance required for this tired soul.  
First, there is what my vampires have called the blending of the churches. If this is a sin, I will offer myself in the service of you in the church that you will choose for me, and I will never proceed to do anything with the other affiliation, whether it is Anglican or Catholic. I just want to be your humble servant, no matter the area.  
Next, I ask for the strength to admit to my eldest daughter the truth about her mother instead of denying who and what Argetni is to Devries. She has grown up ignorant, as per my wishes, but now, as she has found the joys of working alongside the vampires, for even though Anika has not told me, nor have her new instructors, I know that Argetni has pulled our daughter from her mortal-taught classes to train the girl in the presence of immortals.  
I cannot deny that the vampires of my Organization will be far better instructors in the dark realm than any person alive, as even I do not know enough to be running Hellsing. That is why the vampires enjoy so much freedom on my watch, as they have said before, not because I am easily fooled by their hellish games.  
I am just afraid that dear Devries will be as gullible as her mother before her, and will allow the vampires to make her in to one of their ranks. Devries is too much like her mother, and it frightens me, O Lord. This is why Anika must suffer along with her sister in training, for I hoped that her jovial nature would allow Devries to learn to be more personable and knowledgeable about the world around her, not just the world of the undead.  
Please God, help me tell my daughter to be more human and less of a machine.  
Finally, I ask your guidance and strength in the quest to be a good husband and father, even when the vampire women work their black magic on me. I know that they do something to me when they visit certain times, because there are days when I cannot resist touching these women, then there are other days when they come, and I want absolutely nothing to do with them. I have heard the rule about never looking a vampire in the eyes, and I do not ever look at the eyes of the monsters on my own free will, but I still feel as if they are meddling with my mind, drawing me closer and closer when it suits their mood.  
I used to try to resist the come-ons of both Argetni when we were first married, and of Seras before the affair started, for Argetni used to like to play with me when I first announced my impending marriage to Lillith, and though she would touch my mind and caress my skin, I could repel her and not allow her to take me so she could do what she pleased. I believed that she just wanted to test my loyalty to the family, and I thought I was doing the right thing by refusing her.  
Years passed, and then Seras Victoria came to my office. She was never the prettiest of women, but she sat on my desk, and stared deep in to my soul as she held my chin and forced me to open my eyes- yes, she did have her other hand prying my eyelids open, and to my chagrin, I wanted nothing more than Seras.  
Lillith or Argetni did not even compare to the strawberry blond vampire that day. So I was led, nay, forced, in to believing that Seras Victoria was the most wonderful and perfect creature I could ever have wanted.  
That was the day the affair started, and that was also the day I began receiving blood transfusions on a weekly basis. I could not allow for the pure blood of Hellsing to be tainted by such monsters as my predecessor had allowed.  
The loss of blood, even though it was for science, weakened me, making me even more susceptible to the whims of the vampire, for I was not strong enough to defend my mind against their attacks.  
And this is when Argetni came back to me for just a day. God, you know I did not want her, and you know I tried to justify this lust that I felt because of the influence of her mind upon my fragile mortal one by the bonds of our former marriage, but it was as if I was watching someone else control my body as I reached out for her, watched her take my hands and kiss my body, then all of the sudden I was pulled back in to my mortal form to feel the most incredible amount of pain one can imagine.  
Argetni ripped flesh from my cheek with just her fangs. It was pure unadultered pain and horror as I watched helplessly, for even my strength is no match compared to a vampire's. I still wear the scar where my flesh will never tan or take much color where she pulled it from my face as a symbol of my stupidity when it comes to the undead armies that plague the night.  
Please God, tell me what Your plan is for my daughter and for me. I want to place her on the correct path in life, and I pray that it is with Hellsing.  
  
Your humble servant, H.M.v.Hellsing 


	12. Walter 1

Stupid fucking Kent State and their damned changing academic policies. I think because I withdrew from biology this semester, I'm going to get an F in it, though I withdrew before midterms or any real tests. So yeah. I'm going in to High School science education, and here I am going to be taking biology fucking ONE again for the third fucking time.  
  
*ahem* Sorry. I'm quite bitter about this whole college issue. I'm also quite depressed because of it as well.  
  
Anyway, have fun with someone that I haven't used ever.. Walter.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 18  
  
I do not remember the last time that I have seen Sir Harker weep as much as he has this entire day, and to my lord's delight, I did not ask what was troubling him or even pretend to notice that he had been crying, for he wanted to put forth the face of a man that was fully in control of all situations every time I delivered his tea or meals to his office, but his bloodshot eyes and moist sleeves were enough to tip him off. It is not my job to question my lords, but my job is to serve them, which I do with the utmost respect to their jobs, families, and lives.  
It is not my place to judge my lords, but I do not feel that Sir Harker was ready to take control of the Hellsing Organization when his predecessor vacated the office. He is still much of a child, terrified of what will happen if he fails his family, honor, and country, and must be led by his second wife in order to complete the tasks at hand.  
Sir Integral would consider me a traitor for saying what I truly feel about Lillith, but if not for that woman, Hellsing would be nonexistent today. She is the cornerstone that holds the foundation of the Organization together, and it is why she travels to London, Brussels, and Amsterdam while I remain in the mansion in Haarlem with the leader in name. It is her doing that we only police three nations instead of the entire of the Continent in the blasted treaty with the Vatican, and it is per her wishes that only Devries lead the Hellsing Organization when the eldest daughter is ready. She knows that her child Anika would be the equivalent to her husband in the office, and understands that it is for Hellsing's best interest that one just like Sir Integral take command to rule over the men with an iron fist and iron will. Pity that she is not of Hellsing blood, for I would elect her to the office of leader of Hellsing instantly if it were my choice.  
Do not get me wrong, Sir Harker is not truly incompetent, it is just that he does not wish to work alone ever. Though Hellsing is strong, Sir Harker wishes for the reassurance that working alongside the Vatican and other organizations bring. He has good intentions for his troops and organization, but lacks with his follow up to the missions. I tried to teach him this concept when he was my pupil years ago, but try as he may, Sir Harker could never work alone on any project, no matter how simple or mundane. Sir Integral's father truly did make the right choice in choosing his daughter over his nephew as his heir, as Hellsing would have been in ruins if Sir Harker had to take over when he was eleven years old. The Vatican would have eradicated us in no time.  
I do also enjoy seeing this truce with the Vatican and the rest of the world's vampire hunting groups, for we always have fought for a common goal, so why should we be adversaries? Granted, we should keep to our own territory, but it is reassuring to know that if a vampire escapes our lands another association will be able to help hunt and kill the beast instead of the other associations mocking the failure of the one, but not doing anything to fix the problem themselves either.  
Perhaps it is Sir Harker that needs to go on holiday, not his wife or daughters. He is almost forty, his hair is almost entirely grey, and his hands tremble as he speaks to everyone if he is not holding on to something for stability. It is truly a shame to have watched the downfall of this once handsome young man to the pitiful creature he is today.  
When I am double his age and still in almost as perfect condition as I was when I worked among the troops of Hellsing, and he is half dead, it just saddens me.  
I was also surprised to see Lieutenant Victoria here in Haarlem without Alucard or Argetni, but she said that those two are planning on spiriting Devries away to London for her school holiday. I wanted to warn Miss Victoria about the dangers that she has left our little master in, but Seras refused to listen to my words of warning, heading away from me and looking quite disgusted with herself.  
The only other time that I saw Miss Victoria today was when she came to ask if I had any blood packets available for her lunch, which I did, and she quickly left the kitchen after her meal was in her possession.  
I would write to Argetni or Alucard about this matter, but they would not heed my words of advice about the girl. They are far too arrogant in believing that they are better than us mortals, and dear Argetni has always believed herself superior to all even when she was mortal.  
I pray Devries is strong enough to come out of her training with the vampires alive, and I pray that she will be ready to take over for her father sooner than she expects.  
  
The Servant Always,  
  
Walter 


	13. Seras 2

You know, it really helps to have a sense of it being one reader's opinion of a fic when a review that is constructive criticism is given. I'm not talking about the 'you suck and should just die' type of review, but ones that actually say 'this is weird, if it were this way, it would make a lot more sense' or 'I don't know if you realized this, but you misspelled a character's name throughout your entire fic'. So perhaps I should stop reviewing fics for people that I don't know, because though I try to be helpful, I just get told how much of a bitch I am and then flamed because of it. Or maybe I should just get out of fanfiction and pursue my original novels which no one reads because well, they're originals. Anyway, here's another chapter of Dishonor, even though I've got this weird Anderson/Ishtar/Vicious crossover going on in my mind. Then again, it wouldn't be a Mary Sue or script-like fic, so I doubt anyone would think it's worthy of their time.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 20  
  
I have been following Devries for about a week now, and to my surprise, she is not dating anyone, but has instead started taking lessons from new instructors that live just outside of town.  
I have only but caught glimpses of these new instructors, but there are three of them all total, and what looks like a woman, a man, and one that I just can't tell what gender it is.  
It is truly ingenious as to how Devries works to get to these instructors without having the school or me know what is going on. She and I walk to school every morning, like we always have, and when we split up for classes, she heads toward the stairs to the lower level, starts down them, waits for the bell to ring, and then leaves the building, taking different busses to the house where her new instructors reside.  
No one greets her at the door, and Devries picks the lock to let herself in, and I remain hidden in the bushes across the street to watch what happens during the day. I don't see too much of what goes on inside the house, as the curtains are always closed, but I can sometimes make out Devries' figure with that of one of the instructors, and sometimes they seem to be working on combat training, as there are sometimes gunshots from inside the house, and sometimes I can actually see Devries punching and kicking at the male instructor.  
I would go inside after she leaves for the day, which she does about an hour before classes let out at my school so that she can meet me before we go home together, but there is something foreboding about that house. . . .I cannot explain it.  
It is almost as if the house is holding some dark presence, yet Devries cannot or will not feel it as she continues her daily lessons in that place of evil. I would never like to go near that house ever again, and I need to go back to my classes before my instructors call Father, and then I will have to answer to him as to why I was not being a good student like my sister.  
Perhaps Father sent her to do these lessons and I should not be worried. Maybe this is the reason we were sent to Belgium, since these instructors live here, and Devries needs to learn how to deal with the darkness that will consume her life when it is her turn to lead Hellsing.  
I am looking forward to the Christmas Holiday, and I hope that Father says we can all spend time in the northern regions with Oma van Hellsing, because I love to take sled rides with Oma's horses, and then I can see my horse too! It has been ages since I have seen Ritmo, and I miss him quite a bit!  
Maybe I will ask Devries if she wishes to go to Gronigen with me this holiday, because if she suggests the idea to Father, we will be there with no questions asked!  
  
Anika 


	14. Harker 3

I hate this fic. I absolutely hate everything about it.  
  
These characters, which I once found quite fun to write and deal with are now annoying to think of, let alone to try to jump in to their heads to write a journal entry that is suitable for them.  
  
I do believe this is partially because I was trying to make a fan-based story, taking in to account reviews and whatnot and trying to fit my characters to the ideas of others.  
  
So dear readers, this is a new stand on Dishonor- I will write my characters my way, and this fic will take the pace I want to tell the story that is going on in my head. So yes, Argetni is sex driven. She's a bloody succubus. Anika is a contradiction, as is Harker. Believe them to be whatever you wish, for I know how they really should be.  
  
The vampire legends of Dracula and Hellsing take on different meanings in about every fic I've read of the genre, so if I haven't criticized your take on the legends and characters, I'm going to ignore your criticism of my take on the characters and legends.  
  
*steps off soapbox* Anyway, if you're still interested in Dishonor, disregard the old chapters 14-16 and enjoy these new chapters, and review again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 22, Haarlem, NL  
  
Devries,  
Dearest daughter, though you are now almost a fully grown woman, I still wish to help aid your decisions so that you do not make the mistakes that your mother did in her youth and ignorance. Your sister has informed me and her mother of your new instructors, and there is a reason that you were not sent to the vampires of our Organization for any of your training is because as I stated before, they are dangerous creatures that we would have destroyed years ago if only your mother had not insisted on keeping the creatures alive and bound to the family. Alucard especially would enjoy harming you because of who and what you are. Female van Hellsing children that survived past their sixth birthday have been few and far between until the past generation, and I believe this is partially due to the fact that our precious Alucard takes a fancy to the blood of the women of the family, gorging himself on their life's essence until the child is but a mere shell in his arms, and one more bond is broken to the family.  
Do not get me wrong Devries, Alucard has been quite a help in silencing vampires and other plagues of humanity, but it is just odd that each time there has been a documented birth of a van Hellsing girl, she mysteriously disappears from existence. Please keep that in mind if you do wish to continue training with the monster.  
Seras Victoria is also not to be underestimated. Though she appears innocent and almost naïve at times, this vampiress is quite talented in deception, a quality that all of her kind share. She enjoys tempting me with her advances, and I have to continuously remind myself that I am a noble, honorable, upstanding man of God in order to reject her. She is apparently teaching you how to use firearms, a talent that will be absolutely necessary in your future career, but why could you not take lessons from Walter when he offered to train you? Is a mere human not good enough for my daughter?  
I pray that is not the case, as you are to first attend university, find an upstanding, noble, God-fearing man to marry, and then take control of the Hellsing Organization as is your duty before bearing an heir to our line. Do not allow yourself to fall prey to the wiles of the vampire and create another half-breed monstrosity, as your mother and I did.  
You have always asked what happened to Sir Integral Wingates van Hellsing, and I fear you are old enough to know the truth.  
Dearest Teggy was twenty-four when she allowed herself to be turned by Alucard in to the sex-starved monster that you have met in what fancies to now be called the Vampiress Argetni. She soon realized the folly of her actions, and asked her mother who would be the best leader of the Hellsing Organization, and it became a choice between your cousin Spencer Stuart or myself, the cousin that had been trained from birth to lead the Organization alongside her, and Integral chose me because Spencer is Catholic, not because of my training.  
Integral never loved me, nor did I love her. We were joined by the Church for the sole reason that she would try to bear a child and I could then take control of the Organization until such time as I deemed the child worthy to complete its duty as the leader of Hellsing.  
So your so called amazing abilities of dhampirism and regeneration are because of your mother's condition upon your conception.  
I know I have lied to you your entire life about what happened to your mother, but how could a child of Hellsing live knowing that she is so closely inbred and of a demon?  
I pray for your forgiveness, and I do wish you make the wise choice when deciding whom you wish to spend your holiday with Devries. I do love you, though you may not believe such a fact, but every night I pray for your safety, as I have done every night since the day you were born.  
You are the chosen one, my love, and you must carry the weight of your heritage and of the sins of your parents.  
I know that you are strong enough.  
  
Father 


	15. Devries 5

And I'm still kinda ranting in my head, but I shall save you from hearing it. . . . .or perhaps I should just take out my anger on Malik and Rishid in my other fic in progress at this time, "Right Now". (Go look at it too ^_^)  
  
And since I'm on a YGO kick as of late, remember that we're gonna prolly get even more twisted around here, maybe, as the inspiration of YGO fiction comes from the wonderfulness that is Korn.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 23  
  
My mother is a vampire. . . . .  
My mother has been in the same countries as I have been my seventeen years of life, and no one, not even her, had come to let me know about such a thing until just recently, and why would I believe a bloody succubus, a creature known for its trickery and deception, as to what my heredity is. I continued to repeat the mantra "my mother is in heaven" every bloody time I saw Argetni. It would have worked, and I would have truly believed this, given the proper incentive and amount of time.  
Yet my father, that illegitimate leader of the Organization, just revealed via letter that Argetni is my God-forsaken mother after feeding me lines that my mother died in childbirth. How stupid, cold, and unconsiderate could he possibly be! I would have expected something like this out of Alucard, but not from my father!  
I hate Harker. I hate this entire fucking Organization.  
"It is your duty to marry and produce an heir." Rubbish! Absolute complete rubbish! I am not some prized mare to be sent out to pasture to produce some blueblooded bastard's children so I can hide in the shadows and be the ever-subserviant wife and mother to the little brats that will ruin my figure and send me to an early grave while the sire of the children runs around with any new female he can find that is willing! Never! I will not do it!  
I am more powerful that Harker imagines, and perhaps I should just run away from this life leaving him to deal with Anika and the vampires. We'll see how much he tries to force me in to being just another humble woman when he has to deal with Anika's stupidity at practically everything she attempts.  
Lillith must not be at home or proofreading his correspondence anymore, as she would not have allowed Harker to send me such a message, for she at least gives me some credit for being an independent woman, something she must not have been able to accomplish with her life since she married my father.  
He probably was screwing around and accidentally got Lillith pregnant, for I wouldn't put that past him.  
Anyway, Argetni is now trying to laugh and play the 'told you so' game with me as we train, wanting to prove to me that she was right and Harker was wrong about my heredity. How fucking childish has she become from the reports of Integral Wingates Hellsing that I had read in my youth!?! I am sick of the bullshit of the Hellsing family and the Hellsing Organization.  
So this is goodbye to the life that I have grown up being part of. If you find my journal, do not follow me. I do not wish to be found.  
And perhaps I should just convert to Catholicism. That would piss them all off.  
  
Devries 


	16. Devries 6

*laughs*  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 23  
  
Dearest little sister Anika,  
I want to apologize to you for the trouble that I am causing, as Father will now wish for you to step up and take my place as the heiress to the Hellsing Organization. I cannot continue with my training, as I have found out certain information that will keep me from being a pure blooded heir and master of the Hellsing Organization's vampires.  
My mother was truly Integral Wingates Hellsing, but as you have known about me growing up with a second sight to sense out all of the creatures we hunt, there is a very good reason as to why I was gifted with such talents.  
I am half vampire, half human hybrid.  
Each and every child that is born of this sort of union has unique powers and tendencies, as you will find in your studies. Thankfully, I have received more human traits than vampiric.  
I never have experienced bloodlust as my kind does thankfully, but I do not wish to be in the service of the Organization when this new demonic plague comes upon my senses, causing me to hunt out sources to quench my desires. It would not be safe to be around me when this occurs, so I will go in to seclusion, far away from the family and the world.  
Now, I'm not stupid enough to kill myself, nor could I if I tried. My tendencies lead me to have regenerative properties, so even if I'd cut my head off, a new one would grow back in its place. Scary, isn't it?  
Remember when you asked why there was tomato juice on the table about a month ago? That wasn't tomato juice dear Anika, but blood from a wound that had healed itself when I tried to slit my wrist to prove to myself that I could never be killed.  
But dear Anika, I'm leaving you my prized possessions, my books on vampiric lore and legends, all of the books being true, a my silver handgun that Walter gave me for my fourteenth birthday, and the photograph of you and me at Oma's farm with our horses when we were younger and times were much more simple and pleasant.  
Now that I have pledged my belongings to you, I must ask that you do not come looking for me, nor do you tell Father or the vampires to search for me. In fact, I want you to go to the house where the vampires teach me instead of going to your regular classes, as they need to instruct you with how to lead the Organization now. Show them this note, for they already know not to harm you. Please do not let any of them search for me, especially Argetni. I do not want to see her ever again.  
Please do not allow yourself to fall in love with the idea of the vampire, or any of the vampires in your service, but until the other two accept you for what you shall become, stay with Seras Victoria, the strawberry blond weapons master of the group. She is the most human, and does not hold any true attachment to the family, just to her master Alucard.  
Alucard will most likely just be amused that I chose you to be my successor, but he will be more amused with the reaction of his bride, fledgling, and master. (I know Anika, their relationship is confusing, but you will see that it makes perfect sense when you can spend time around these creatures.) He will try to kill you, he will show you visions of the hellish life he could create for you, but as he is bound to the family, he could never expect to remain free if he upsets the head of the house, so if Alucard bothers you, tell father to lock him in the dungeons.  
Argetni will be the most difficult to win over, as she has a temper of a wild animal when it comes to matters concerning me. Keep trying to convince her that it was MY idea to leave Hellsing, not Father's, not Lillith's, and most importantly, it was not your decision to take control of the Organization.  
I am certain that you will be the most noble, honorable leader of Hellsing that has ever been, for you are quite in touch with the real world, not just the world of the undead. Marry your boyfriend early so he can become accustomed to your job, and if he does not accept you as a vampire hunter, you will be better off without him.  
I wish you the most luck with your new career sister, and I pray that you will rise to the occasion, doing the best that you can no matter what.  
Remember, do not come after me. I have learned how to kill vampires as powerful as ours through my blood, and I am carrying the technology to do so.  
  
Never forget that I love you  
  
Devries Hellsing 


	17. Alucard 3

It's been a while. . . .so maybe I should use one of the "other" characters now.  
  
And readers, I know my chapter updates have been kinda funny as of late, but I promise to keep on the right track and not remove/edit chapters as often. So if you haven't read the newer versions of chapters 14-16, you may want to go do that right now, as this chapter won't make ANY sense without reading the revised chapters.  
  
Please review too. If you've all lost interest, then I won't worry so much about updating Dishonor.  
  
Anyway, as a treat to all of you loyal readers, I give you Alucard!  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 24  
  
What a day. . . . .  
Seeing as how myself and my two fledglings have conquered the daylight hours for the most part, Argetni, Police Girl, and myself all sat in our darkened house at 8 am waiting for our little master to arrive for her training. Not once did any of us think to scan the area for her mind as we went about our morning routine, as Devries was usually on time and ready for all her lessons.  
Instead, at about ten minutes until 8, we heard a knock on the door, and Police Girl went over to answer it, as Argetni and I don't allow ourselves playtime with mortals unless it's a full moon, and alas, there is no full moon at 8 am.  
We thought it was a delivery man making a wrong stop or the like, but both Argetni and myself snapped out of our hiding places when the Police Girl gasped and invited Anika inside.  
The dark haired child did not have to speak a word of her message, as her sheer presence was enough for all of us to know that something had happened to our Devries, but we allowed the girl to recount the whole story and show us the letter that her half-sister had written the night before.  
Police Girl quickly comforted the child, offering to make her tea and to let her stay in our house during the day instead of going to school while we slept, but Anika refused the tea. So the Police Girl engaged Anika in some polite conversation, allowing Argetni and I time to exit the room so we could speak in private.  
Argetni, obviously, was furious with the letter. Everything she had worked so hard for as a mortal was now disappearing because of a headstrong teenager. I found this hilarious, but Master did not enjoy that I started to chuckle as she ranted, threatening not to feed from me if I didn't stop treating her as terribly as she thinks. So I stopped chuckling, allowing her the opportunity to continue, though in my head I was still laughing at her overreaction.  
For almost an hour she ranted, complaining of the injustice that was forced upon her by her lot in life as a female, that she had to depend on men constantly if she wanted to get ahead in life no matter how hard she tried to do without them, and that it was all my and Harker's fault for this situation to have occurred. Her words bored me after five minutes, so I amused myself by delving deeper in to the child's mind as the girl sat with Seras, unaware of the probing.  
Anika is quite the average mortal, unlike her half-sister. She dreams of settling down one day with a husband and having two or three children. For a career, she seems to be leaning toward law or medicine, and as for her feelings about the Hellsing Organization and what it means to her, she does not want the responsibility nor does she care about vampiric activity around the world. I cannot believe that Devries would be stupid enough to pick this girl as her heir.  
Police Girl stayed with the child all day while I sat pretending to listen to Argetni complain about these current events as we both lay down for sleep in the afternoon. She refused to train Anika even if Devries did list her as the heir, then she began plotting ways to search and recover her daughter from the grips of the world she now lived in.  
I swear, Argetni never showed signs of maternal instinct before this, even when she introduced herself to the child and the child to us. Everything my master does is cold and calculating, not nurturing and in the best interest of the person at the receiving end of her words, actions, and emotions. Even though she can be the most attractive and seemingly helpless woman to some, each move she takes is precisely thought out, as if life is just a game of chess.  
This new concern could actually be taken as a calculation for Argetni's rise to prominence in the Hellsing ranks, but the terror in her hellish eyes makes it obvious, to me at least, that she is afraid for her daughter's life and is willing to risk everything to bring her back to her proper scheme in the world as the leader of the Hellsing Organization.  
I could care less if we ever found Devries. Without my little master, I am free from my bonds of Hellsing, and though at times I long to stay affiliated with a group such as Hellsing, this association grows droll with a dolt like Harker in the head office. Perhaps I should spice life up by sending a copy of Devries' letter to both Lillith and Harker through that funny fax-thing that Walter was always trying to show me how to use before Integral was turned, just in case I'd ever needed to contact her on paper, but what would that do besides bring out every bounty hunter on the continent to search for a girl that is most likely crossing the ocean right now.  
But if Argetni wishes to go on a search for Devries, I will accompany her. That is my duty to the family.  
  
Alucard 


	18. Argetni 2

So I've heard that the last chapter sounded forced. Oh well. If I quit this fic, I won't come back to it, that's just how I work, and well, I don't think anyone would really care to see how Devries and company work everything out anymore.  
  
For the reviewer who's name I can't remember *sighs at own stupidity* I want to thank you for the kind words ^_^ It's been too long since someone had something nice to say about my writing, and I'm glad you're enjoying this thing. ^_^  
  
I'll be trying to make it flow better, though I can't find in the rereads through 17 as to where it feels forced. . . . .just a thoughtful, disconnected Alucard.  
  
I dunno. I finally got Hellsing back from my friend, and I do believe I'm totally screwing the characters over now that I've seen it in the entirety for the first time since May.  
  
*sighs* I think my muse died.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 25  
  
God damn that infernal child of the unholy union of two first cousins, as her selfish and irrational attempt for freedom has left me with quite a dilemma as to how I will restore her good name and her faith in everything that should be her life! It is Devries' duty to take command of the Hellsing Organization as all her relatives have before her as well as to carry on the most honorable bloodline of the family.  
This is Harker's fault for not telling my daughter the truth of her origins and why she has been granted with the abilities that she possesses. He was always the stupidest man in the family, even more dimwitted than his father Richard. To think that dropping such a bomb on Hellsing child that was groomed from birth to loathe the undead and all their wicked ways would not affect her? God, what did he expect from Devries! She did exactly what I would have done, as would my father before me, and his father before him! She got away from the world of the night because of her tainted blood.  
If she had grown up knowing about me and accepting the fact that her mother was turned in order to preserve her own life, maybe it would have been better for her spirit. The story could have still been the same, that I died in childbirth, but I could have asked Alucard to change me then. Who would have questioned my authority or my word?  
Now Devries had bolted, and her dolt of a sister has asked us to train her. Thank God for the winter holiday that will be upon us in a few weeks time, as then the three vampires can go search for the little master without having to ask many questions.  
I don't know what to do with this Anika situation. I am certain that Devries can be convinced to return to her position and title, but until then Anika will be asking to be trained.  
As was proven with both Richard and Harker, it is dangerous to train the second in line for the throne too early, as they become traitorous and deceitful in their boredom. Yet it is not Harker that I need to influence so the girl will be taken out of training and put back in to a regular classroom, it is Lillith.  
Lillith van Hellsing is nothing like what I had expected Harker to want after having me in his life. Though she was passive and jovial in her tenure as a secretary in the Organization, this little woman has stepped up to become much like I was as a human, allowing Harker to run Hellsing in name, while she does everything else. It is truly a pity that it is not Lillith who is of the blood, as she would make an excellent Knight and commander.  
Just as I fought for Devries to be named the only blood heir and true successor to Integral Hellsing, securing my daughter a spot in the history of our great family, Lillith is trying to do the same with her halfbreed daughter, wishing to start a new legacy with Anika. For just as Imke van Hellsing, the wife of my ancestor Abram is considered the matron of my line, and Wilhelmina Harker is the matron of Devries' father's line, Lillith Edwards would become the founder of the new generation of Hellsing leaders, creating a new sort of royalty in the most honorable house built on blood and honor.  
I refuse to allow this to happen.  
In my waking moments, I have spent most of my time mentally scanning the continent and as far as my mind will travel in to other lands for Devries' whereabouts. I know she headed toward Asia, but I lost her mental pattern around Moscow. She could be about anywhere now, but I am most certain that Devries would run to America to gain anonyminity and a clean start in her new life.  
Alucard refuses to help me outright, but he does realize the dilemma of our situation. Without Devries, Hellsing will fall apart and then start hunting its own undead, and though he finds it amusing that our men would try to kill him, he does not wish to fight a mortal opponent, so he gave his word that he would help find Devries in his own manner.  
Alas, I am not going to be able to hunt for my daughter because of a meeting within the next night with both Lillith and Harker. I am not looking forward to such an event, but perhaps I can convince my former husband to take Anika out of all formal Hellsing Organization training routines until it is determined that Devries is not able to do her duty to the family, Organization, and country.  
Then again, Harker is so easily influenced that making him think as I do will be a quite simple task. He has never said no to my gaze, so why would he stop now?  
I am actually looking forward to seeing my replacements again.  
  
Argetni 


	19. Walter 2

Why am I so angry at the world? I really need to find something to make me happy with whatever I'm doing so I can get motivated and whatnot. I mean, I love being in the classroom as the instructor, but I find the role of the student is quite annoying and mundane that I just don't try anymore, which just makes me even more angry with everything.

And anger management courses don't work. Trust me, I've tried them.

As for the actual content of this chapter, I'm formatting in html so some things can stay in the format that I wish. This will probably double space the paragraphs, and I'm sorry about that, because I know it bothers some people out there. 

Just remember, this is a journal, written in pen. Imagination is your friend.

Anyway, I'm going for a 1200 or more word post here, so hopefully that'll happen. I may have to add more author's notes to make up for that. (and you'll be able to tell if I did)

~*~*~*~*~

November 27, The Hague, NL, 8:34

            The meeting between the vampiress Argetni and Sir Hellsing and his current wife ended just about an hour ago with the coming of the day, but there is still so much more that must be discussed so that the future of the Organization can be determined.

            As the trusted servant, I was asked to moderate this meeting, which I expected to be much more tense than it actually turned out, as Argetni did not bring along either of her compatriots, which kept both Harker and Lillith at ease.

            Oh, it was good to see Sir Integral acting as herself for the first time in so many years! She should have hid her condition from the world and continued leading her Organization, for though Harker is capable, Integral is perfection.

            It was good to see Argetni acting as a human for the first time in so many years! I truly wish that she could be the head of the Organization, as it could have retained the glory and honor that every Sir Hellsing before gave the to the family, country, and God. 

            After formalities were exchanged, Lillith commented about Argetni posing as the former leader Sir Integral, saying that the Vampiress was being blasphemous to her former master's name. So both Harker and I had to explain about what truly went on during Integral's pregnancy as we kept the transformation secret from even the employees, and even though now she understands why her husband is the leader of Hellsing, and why our dear Argetni shares such a resemblance to the former leader, I do not believe that Lillith wishes to except this as truth. 

            Then again, Lillith does not deal with the vampires in our ranks, so she had never seen Argetni before this meeting. 

            As soon as the Vampiress lit a cigar, breathing the drug in deeply before exhaling a thin trail of smoke, she looked down her nose at the two, asking what their plan for tracking the rightful heir of Hellsing was, or if they even cared to search for Devries, as she, Alucard, and Seras would gladly take time off to chase down the delinquent girl. 

            Sir Harker admitted to not having a plan formed yet, but that he would contact all the proper authorities with a missing persons report, and that Argetni should return to the London manor house with the other vampires and remain in the dungeons until everything returned to normal. He does not wish to upset the Vatican or any other vampire hunting organization by allowing our undead the freedom to roam the world, even if it is for a mission.

            Needless to say, Argetni was not pleased with such a statement. She demanded action be taken to restore Devries to her position as the heir, and that even if she must defy his orders, she would search for the girl alone if necessary. Of course, this search would begin immediately, leaving no time for young Miss Anika's training.

            Such sentiments aroused Mistress Lillith's emotions, and the dark haired woman threatened the Vampiress with certain death in the sun if she did not remain in the service of those she is bound to protect. 

            It was strange to hear the unearthly laugh float across the room as Argetni closed her eyes and laid her cigar in a nearby ashtray, covering her mouth with a gloved hand. 

            "Did you not just hear yourself, traitor? To remain in the service of those I am bound to protect would have me follow Devries, not babysit some imbecile who only dreams of horses and boys."

            Argetni could not contain her laughter, and each time she looked in to the dark haired woman's eyes, she would burst in to another fit of giggles, not unlike Alucard would do to Sir Integral when she would try to control or order him. 

            And to Lady van Hellsing's surprise, her husband could not counter this remark. Harker only nodded to Argetni as he took her cigar from the tray, finishing it for her. He knows of the ceremony that was performed on his eldest daughter during her first few months of life by two of our three vampires so Devries could control the seal of their powers later in life, and he knows of the legends associated with such a ceremony. 

            Argetni then again asked for the restriction to be lifted so that she could travel out of the Hellsing Organization's territory, and once again Sir Harker refused consent. I fear that the irrational instinct that all vampires possess will lead Argetni to follow her passion and track Devries anyway, but I do wish she would listen to her Master for once in his tenure, if not more often. 

            Do not get me wrong, I do wish for Devries to be safely returned to us, but I also know that there is a proper protocol to follow in all situations. Apparently Argenti has decided that these trivialities of mortals are above her though.

            Noticing the time, Argenti then rose from her seat, her half unbuttoned white dress shirt slipped open as she moved, revealing her pale cleavage. Even for a succubus, this is highly inappropriate behavior for a formal setting. Perhaps I will have a word with my charge before the next meeting tonight about her actions with men since her transformation.

            She dismissed herself from the meeting, walking over to the small refrigerator like the ones kept in most every room of a Hellsing estate, and opened the door to pull out a packet of medical blood, type AB positive, her absolute favorite, tearing the straw with her teeth and daintily drinking the contents as if it were nothing more than one of the juice drinks that I would give the children in their lunches years ago. 

            Of course, Lillith was appalled by the scene, and Harker seemed to not care about such a thing happening in his presence. Everyone agreed to meet again tonight just after daybreak, and they all set out to rest for the day.

            I look forward to seeing something more accomplished about Devries whereabouts tonight. I will be searching the Net for clues as to where our prodigal daughter has wandered, and hopefully we can bring her back without causing too much alarm for anyone involved.

Walter


	20. Walter 3

More Walter goodness ^_^ and thanks for the reviews to those who took the time to do so ^_^ It just makes me feel special. Or something like that.  
  
And if you're a genius like me and don't ever go look at the extras on dvds, I do highly recommend that you go look at the Music Video Preview on disc 1 of the dub. It's just bloody awesome. . . . .Though Father Anderson's laugh kinda frightened me. . . . .as does his Japanese voice. *shivers*  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 28, The Hague, NL  
  
Before sunset when the next meeting would take place, I waited for Sir Harker and his wife to leave their home for the day to meet with the Queen of Holland, hoping to secure better funding and whatever else we need for the Organization in this country. As is my daily routine when a vampire is present, I brought a blood packet to Argetni's room just before she rises for the night, which with one as strong as her, is about noon each day she spends the entire night before awake.  
But instead of leaving so not to be seen as any good servant must do, I took a seat in one of the many cushioned chairs Sir Harker insisted on placing in every room, patiently waiting for her to stir.  
It was quite amusing to see the reaction on Argetni's face as she noticed me sitting across from her coffin-bed, as first shock, then fear, then finally rage played across her face. The verbal lashing was quickly ended as soon as she noticed the packet of blood on the table, which she opened and devoured, apologizing for her rude and inappropriate behavior.  
I had no idea at that time if she took my suggestion of dressing more business-like for tonight's meeting, but I do know that she braved the afternoon sunlight, covered as a Muslim woman might be so as to not be burned, and bought something from a clothing store. I prayed that she decided to be proper. . . .  
Upon nightfall, Argetni arrived in Sir Harker's office, dressed in a woman's black dress suit with the skirt cut to her knees and her collar buttoned as to not show cleavage. I was pleased to see the Vampiress deciding not to offend her keepers, though I could not say this in front of the group.  
Mistress Lillith looked down at this new attempt at humanity, as she described Argetni's dress and demeanor, and immediately closed her mind to the opinions of Argetni, even though the Vampiress had the most rational ideas to find Devries of the group.  
Sir Harker still insists that we try to utilize the mortal police units around the world to find Miss Devries, which would be a good idea if not for associations like the Vatican Section Thirteen, for example. News of the disappearance of an heir to Hellsing would just prove their point of our incompetence, and naturally, they would ask for our Organization to be dissolved.  
Argetni argued the same point that I wished to mention, and though Mistress Lillith was not speaking to the group, which must have meant that she agreed as well, Sir Harker refused to see the folly in having mortal lawmen involved with his daughter's case. But, instead of arguing the entire night about such a trivial matter, Harker finally asked Argetni what she would do to find the girl.  
Smiling, but not flashing her fangs as she usually would, Argetni leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes, loving the opportunity to be the leader of this small group yet again.  
The plan she created to find Devries is quite simple. Lieutenant Seras Victoria and myself would travel wherever her and Alucard directed us, as they would be watching her bank accounts and credit card activity, as a child raised as an heiress will soon find that she cannot deal without what she considers the norms of living.  
Both Argetni and Harker stared at me awaiting my reply, and as always I stated that it is my duty to serve the family above all else and if finding Devries was how I should serve the family, then so be it.  
Mistress Lillith snorted with disapproval at this idea, reminding us all that the Vatican will not stand to allow even one of our vampires the freedom to leave the countries they are confined to serve. She also does not wish for me to travel for Devries alone, as she kept stating that if my health failed me, who would help me back to Holland for treatment?  
My health will not fail me, but Harker agreed that it would not be in the best interest of the Organization to send me trekking across the world alone, but he could not offer a suggestion of who would be better qualified to go than me, nor could he think of a replacement for Seras.  
I don't think that Argetni meant for the words to slip from her tongue, but as she lit a cigar she mumbled bitterly that perhaps Anika could go on the adventure.  
God help me, as I will be babysitting the youngest Hellsing member as we travel across Asia and most likely to America.  
I cannot believe that Mistress Lillith liked the idea of her daughter searching for Sir Integral's daughter, but she feels confident that I will train Miss Anika better than anyone else for service to the Hellsing Organization if our search is in vain, and traveling the world would be quite useful for a young socialite.  
I believe that Mistress Lillith's decision shocked Argetni as well, but the Vampiress just chuckled at the offer, deciding it was good enough for her as well, then standing and dismissing herself from the meeting, asking for a daily email correspondence from me to keep her updated with the actual search, while she would keep me posted of Devries' activity and sightings by local peoples of a tall blond haired tanned girl with a British accent.  
Leaving the office, Argenti allowed Sir Harker and his wife to speak freely to me, and we determined that the search would begin in two days time, with me escorting Miss Anika to Moscow so we can pick up a trail to follow. Mistress Lillith immediately phoned Anika to tell her the news, and exuberantly, the girl agreed to meet me in Amsterdam tomorrow so we can prepare for the journey.  
I do pray that all goes well and we can find Miss Devries quickly, for though I love the Hellsing daughters as my grandchildren, I do not wish to spend months in close quarters with either of the girls, as both are the worst traits of their parents combined.  
  
Walter 


	21. Seras 3

*still annoyed by Father Anderson's Japanese voice* I really didn't know how terrible it was until today, because I only watch two of the Orders in Japanese, Master of Monster, for Alucard's lines just make me laugh, and Hellfire, because well, I just like to. Every other Order I watch dubbed (with the English subtitles on to see the difference because I'm odd) because this is the only anime I've ever seen where EVERY dub voice fits the character it's for. The other Japanese voice that totally does NOT fit the character is Walter's. Walter, though old, should not sound half-dead like the Japanese version makes him! It's just wrong!  
  
And besides, Crispin Freeman and K.T. Gray are just two of the finest va's out there, but that could easily be argued, I know. I've gotta give Crispin some credit for having the balls to do Digimon's Duskmon in the same tone and exact dialect as Alucard. Now, it works for Duskmon, but I about suffocate laughing every time my beloved Kouichi and his spirit of darkness come on screen, for I've got this weird, indescribable image of Kouichi and Alucard combined. . . . .don't ask. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I'd really like to say that because of the oddness of Digimon's voices between Duskmon and Kouichi, I also believe that Crispin Freeman did the voice of Aburatsabo in Magic User's Club. Now if THAT'S true, well, I'd just die laughing.  
  
I should shut up with my weird rants on things. Then again, this is all coming from the person who has now written both a critical analysis on Cowboy Bebop and a character analysis of Ryou Bakura for college papers. And of course, the best part of both is I have a complete and extensive bibliography referencing actual texts, not just the series, manga, fansites, and fanfiction.  
  
I have no life. I do realize this.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
November 29, Amsterdam, NL  
  
I do believe that my Master emblazoned "idiot" on my forehead for all but me to see when he turned me, for no matter what I seem to say or do both he and Argetni push me around and ask me to do tasks that are absolutely repulsive or overly dangerous, but more importantly, tasks which they do not wish to complete themselves.  
This time I am to follow Walter and Anika as they search for Devries, which breaks about every treaty set forth by the Vatican and every other vampire hunting organization that Hellsing intimately works with. I tried to protest this, and I was told by my master to travel as a fog or bats. Lovely. It must amuse him to see me annoyed.  
I was told to make my presence known to Walter, as he would understand Argetni and Alucard's concern of Devries' whereabouts and not question that I would need help traveling by day so he could help figure provisions and sleeping quarters for me, but I am not to show myself to Anika at any time. I believe that my Master and his master have a fear that the girl will tell her parents that I am around, betraying Argetni's trust to the leader of the Organization.  
Walter was just as accepting as ever, and offered to take along many large suitcases, with one being just big enough for me to fit in so I can sleep during the day. I declined this offer, as I would rather wrap myself as a Middle Eastern woman might, though my strawberry hair and red eyes are a dead giveaway to my origins and species.  
At this suggestion, Walter said he would go to one of the local shops that would carry such dress, and buy me a few of these dresses to wear. I must wait for his return before I start packing.  
I have been remained hidden within the walls of the Amsterdam manor house, not once making my presence known to Anika as I observe her habits and mannerisms, making note as to how I can most easily stay near Walter and the group without her noticing me nearby.  
Staying hidden from Anika should not be a difficult task since she has not learned to shield her mind from me as her sister and father both learned at an early age. Probing her mind to take out unneeded images of my presence will be easy, and replacing them with different memories of another random person that just happens to travel near and then speak to Walter on a daily basis will not prove difficult, especially since I am better trained with my vampiric powers than Master or Argetni realizes.  
It will be strange to travel without weapons, less a handgun that Walter has specially made for me. It is nothing as powerful as Master's guns, but it does rival Argetni's firearms in power and accuracy. I'm just so used to lugging that blasted cannon around that I don't feel as if I've packed enough for my trip to the unknown.  
I am a bit afraid for both Anika's mental well-being during this trip, as well as Devries' safety as she wanders the world. I do pray she is bright enough to have changed her name completely, as anything dealing with Devries, Fairbrook, or van Hellsing in that girl's name will lead her to be immediately recognized by those who we do not wish to find her, namely Vatican guards and the remaining FREAK vampires.  
I will be forced to keep open correspondence between myself and my Master, so he can help Argetni discover the whereabouts of the child Walter and I are searching for. I do not feel safe about having my mind open for all to glean what they wish just because Master does not feel like having to work to read about the newest clues and findings in the search.  
I am still not too certain of how successful our mission will be, but God, the Queen, and my Master are with us as we search for the glory and future of the Hellsing Organization.  
  
Lt. Seras Victoria 


	22. Anika 2

So that was a really long author's note on the last one. . . . sorry. As for Walter, chapter 2, there is a HUGE formatting error that I cannot seem to figure out how to change between word and ff.net's server. The paragraph where he calls Argetni "Sir Integral" should have a strikeout through it. It does not, obviously. So to read it without the strikeout makes it nonsensical to even have in there. But oh well. It's not the first time ff.net has decided to be a bitch about things.  
  
Oh well. Just keep reviewing.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
December 1, Moscow, Russia  
  
I still cannot believe that both Father and Mother insisted that I make this journey around the world with Walter in order to find my sister. I do realize the importance of finding Devries and convincing her to return home, since I do not wish to lead the Hellsing Organization, but I thought we could just ask the authorities to find her like any other family in the world. Such a request has to be commonplace for police forces, and Father's money can be quite persuasive if necessary.  
I am glad that we could take a jet to our destination, for traveling by car across the continent would have been quite exhausting, not to mention that the trail that my sister left would have long disappeared in that time.  
Someone, most likely our vampires, is supplying information to both Father and Walter so that our journey is quite easy. Today we traveled to the hotel where Devries used her credit card last, charging room service and extra spending cash so she could continue her run from the family. Apparently she checked in under the name of Daniella Anderson and somehow even had passports and identification made up with that alias in the short time she has been away from home.  
Immediately, Walter telephoned what I assume to be Father to let him know of this new alias so we could track the activity of Daniella Anderson. I was quite bored by this time in the investigation that I left Walter to continue interviewing the hotel owner and caretakers, asking questions to learn Devries whereabouts.  
I walked the streets, looking for some distraction to ease my mind during this tedious situation when I happened upon a group of Catholic nuns dressed in their traditional habits and fur-lined coats shuffling through the snowy streets toward the Roman Catholic Church that was just across the street from an Eastern Orthodox Church. The close proximity of these two churches with their similar yet arcane ideas of religion made me chuckle, as those Catholics are known for their hatred of anything that is not their own.  
Following the sisters in to their church, I continued my silent observation, and as more time passed while I was in the presence of these Catholics as they performed their daily novenas, the more I wanted to cry for both my sister and her dead mother. They had only one option in life, and that was to blindly serve some higher authority that was for the most part intangible. I believe that this is partially why the late Sir Integral allowed herself to pass to heaven while in the pains of childbirth. She finally realized that she was bound to the Organization, to God, the Anglican Church, and to the Queen, therefore removing any chance of a normal and real life from her grasp.  
I do not blame Sir Integral for dying when she was able. I would have killed myself much sooner than she allowed herself to die, as the pressure and pain of being someone's pawn would have driven me quite mad.  
Devries is correct in running from the same fate that killed her mother, but then, she has damned me to a life of service to the Hellsing Organization. It is of no matter that I do not wish to remain in service to the Organization proper once I have finished my education and am old enough to move from Mother and Father's home- I am the only one of proper ancestry to lead the famous house built on blood and honor.  
What a load of shit.  
We criticize the Catholics for being archaic with their thoughts on the world in general, as well as our vampire hunting games, yet here we are, the supposedly progressive Protestant association with the secret weapons of mass destruction known as Alucard, Argetni, and Seras Victoria, and yet we cannot determine a new leader by the most qualified candidate for the job, but rather by who's grandfather decided to sleep with whomever to spawn some blue-blooded bastard to take over his job when he finally died.  
So these nuns that prayed to a God that is constantly turning a deaf ear to the needy and blinding his sight from the world He created, hoping for some miracle of faith to bring them eternal happiness and to bring peace to the world as well, are no different than my sister. Devries is not to have feelings, wants, desires- any human trait that she may call her own- but must humbly serve all.  
And unfortunately, I sat in the last pew bawling and praying for my sister and her deceased mother to find whatever they are searching for and use it as their exit to the world beyond. The sisters tried to console me, but their limited English led them to believe that I was crying for my dead mother, and all said they would pray for her as well. Why it was comforting to hear these strangers speak such kind words, I do not know, but I cannot stay angry at the Catholics like any good Hellsing family member should, seeing as how they care for complete strangers that happened to be following them to their church.  
If Devries is successful in her plan of escape, what will I do? Am I to lead this Organization after Father dies? I cannot, nay I will not do anything with Hellsing once I am of age.  
But who will take command of our Organization if I do not?  
  
Anika 


	23. Argetni 3

Well, if we believe AOL news one can draw yet another conclusion as to why Hellsing is set in England and not Holland, even though Stoker's van Hellsing was Dutch. According to them, Prince William, Queen Elizabeth II, and the lot of those British royals are related somehow to Vlad Dracul. If it's really true, it's not hard to believe, as all the royal families of Europe are basically somehow related, for inbreeding used to be considered the best or something like that, then perhaps that is just another little blurb of symbolism for us to think on. Or perhaps I tend to draw too much in to everything.. Thank you Mrs. Miller and AP Literature Class. You have forever ruined how I read and interpret literary and visual works.  
  
That little factoid made me laugh. Hope it made you laugh too ^_^  
  
Anyway, keep reviewing. And thank you to all those who put me and this story on their favorites lists ^_^ I really appreciate it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
December 2, The Hague, NL, via email  
  
Harker,  
Be very glad that you did not send both female vampires on the mission to find the heiress, as I had asked Alucard to send you this message as soon as Walter was off the phone with us giving us the new information about Devries' whereabouts, and while I continued searching this city for the rest of my meal, he stared at a blank screen, not knowing how to even turn the machine on. You would never receive any messages without me as the commander of the vampires, so be thankful for my presence.  
Walter and Anika arrived in Moscow recently, and though your youngest daughter has not done anything of note yet, your servant Walter did discover that Devries has taken an alias. She is not in that city any longer, but now that we have the name she is using our search will be narrowed yet again.  
I will have to ask my young master as to why she chose Daniella Anderson as her alias while on the run as soon as she is returned to my side. Perhaps she thought it was common enough to be overlooked, or she could have decided that by using the Vatican's secret weapon's name we would overlook her.  
I have searched a few records from the outbound flight that Devries took as Daniella Anderson, and found that she traveled from Moscow to Dehli, and finally stopped for a while in Tokyo.  
Apparently, while in Russia, Devries stayed in the hotel where Walter and Anika are currently residing until they can find seats on a flight to Tokyo. The manager reported seeing a girl that matched Devries' description, and that she stated she was headed to Africa, which is obviously a lie to throw our search party off track. That girl is quite intelligent and must have known we would send someone to look for her. She will make a fine leader of the Organization when she comes to her senses. We found record of a Daniella Anderson with a United Kingdom passport staying in a hotel just outside of the Narita Airport. I fear that she has already changed names again so that we cannot track her, but Walter and Anika will be heading to Tokyo to question the hotel and airport staff to see if this Daniella Anderson is my little master. Walter reports that they plan to leave tomorrow morning for Japan. He has promised to call me as soon as he and Anika arrive, no matter the time. On a more personal note, dear Harker, how have you planned on dealing with the Vatican when they see that the Organization's retainer and one of the possible heirs have been traveling across the continents in just a few days time? I know they will call upon you to discuss this matter, and it would be best if you can have an answer prepared as to not sound like a completely incompetent imbecile for when Maxwell insists to know about Anika's journey. A simple lie like 'she is on independent study of world cultures' will not suffice, as anyone knows that comprehension of any subject takes more than just a day or two of work. The Vatican has ways of making one feel guilty about their nonexistent sins, so do not let them trick you in to confessing the actual truth of the situation either. But I will let you decide how to handle the Vatican, for it is quite amusing to watch you fail.  
Just remember, the Vatican observes every move that a Hellsing family member makes, analyzing and trying to plot our next adventure before we can even decide if we would like black or green tea in the morning. If they do not already know about Anika's travel and Devries' rebellion I will be quite surprised.  
Be vigilant Harker. Alucard and I will maintain our records searches for Devries whereabouts, and Walter and your daughter will execute our findings. You must always be the strong figurehead of the Hellsing Organization, for even though I do not consider myself relevant to the family anymore, the Organization is still mine, and I will not hesitate to kill anyone that defiles or disgraces my Organization while I am undead..  
I will keep you updated with Walter's newest discoveries, and I will let you know if Anika ever has anything to say to you.  
  
Argetni 


	24. Devries 7

Gah! It's been quite a while, and to all you readers, *bows* I'm very sorry for the delay! But the delay was for quite a good reason, a companion fic to this called Disregard, which highlights some of the forgotten aspects of both Disgrace and Dishonor. It's written in narrative form, and is mildly humorous, especially the chapters of "From 666 to 777" and "Should Police Chapter's Reverse Side Circumstance", though "Hatred Guy of Sinfulness" should give all you Harker-bashers out there something to enjoy.  
  
Random Disclaimers- I still don't own any of the series or manga characters, and I still own Harker, Devries, Anika, and the lot that aren't in the series or manga. I'd like to see someone else's take on one of my characters once, so please, use them, but tell me about it first.  
  
As always, reviews are appreciated.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
December 3  
  
From: dfvhellsing@hellsingorg.uk To: iwhellsing@hellsingorg.uk Subject: (no subject)  
  
Argetni, Father, Lillith, Walter, and whoever else may be reading this,  
  
I am curious to see if you still check your old email address, blasphemous vampire Argetni. This shall be a test to see how smart we both are about how to deal with each other. Then again, if Walter is checking email activity of the Hellsing membership as per Father's usual orders, he will alert you to the activity of your former account.  
I assume that because I have felt Seras Victoria's presence separate from both yours and Alucard's that Anika has told my secret and has not insisted that I specifically stated that I do not wish to be followed on my journey. Or perhaps it is because of your vampiric and Hellsing family pride that you cannot stomach the fact that I do not wish to be in the service of the Organization, so you will drag me back no matter my opinion.  
  
I was fully certain that you of all creatures would be the most upset with my disappearance Argetni. Even though I have but known you for about a month's time, your motives are quite simple- to make certain that I do not make the same fool mistakes that you did, and to reclaim your former glory as a leader of Hellsing.  
Shouldn't your supposed death during my birth have allowed you all the fame of any great Hellsing matriarch? The world believes that you died in the service of your Queen and your family. What higher honor could a woman receive?  
Then again, you were never a woman.  
Just like I was never a child.  
You never allowed me the luxury of knowing fun, of what having friends my own age felt like, or of the normal, mundane drudgeries that high school girls deal with, such as boyfriends and dances. I was always taught to be an honorable child of Hellsing, the heir to the Organization, the next generation of Protestant Knights- to basically be Sir Integral Wingates Hellsing.  
Father trained me from an early age with how to act civil, while Anika was allowed to be a child, to have friends, to date, to be altogether normal.  
Perhaps that is why I must have my freedom.  
Although, if you must send a search party after me, so be it.  
Do not think this will be an easy search Argenti. You and your lot tend to forget that I possess powers similar to yours, and that I have ways of hiding myself in the shadows of the world.  
In fact, even though I did not wish for a search party to be sent, this will be quite a fun test of my true abilities if I am to stay one move ahead of you and your comrades. I am certain that you know I am undefeated at both chess and shogi, so make your next move, Hellsing Organization.  
I expect that you will forward this to practically everyone in the upper echelons of our glorious Organization, so to those incompetent dullards and Walter, I would like to inform you that if I am found and am forced to take the Organization against my will, there will be changes as to how every aspect from military training and tactics to the control and quartering of our pet vampires during my tenure.  
Have a glorious day Hellsing membership.  
  
Devries 


	25. Argetni 4

Ok. So I've decided I adore Heinkel Wolfe. Don't ask why, it's quite unexplainable, though it just fits my love of Iscariot's membership. *waves 'I love Alex' flags*  
  
Argetni: *shakes head* Damned Catholics. . . . .they're even writing fanfiction concerning my Protestant Organization now. Damned Vatican trying to infiltrate every bloody aspect of life. . . .  
  
*looks over* First, when did my characters start helping me with author's notes, and second, you never complained about the damned Catholic writers before. Besides, why in hell would anyone want to turn Protestant? So you go from one corrupt church to another that believes something highly similar. . . . .what's the point.  
  
Argetni: *points at keyboard* Just keep writing this blasted fic and don't get involved in religious debates. . . . .  
  
*sighs* Right. . . . . .  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
December 3, Amsterdam, NL  
  
To: hmvhellsing@hellsingorg.uk, lmedwards@hellsingorg.uk, amvhellsing@hellsingorg.uk, ddolneazz@hellsingorg.uk, svictoria@hellsingorg.uk From: iwhellsing@hellsingorg.uk Subject: Devries- Update Attached File: devmail3_12.txt  
  
I swear that Devries is going to pay for this hell she is leading us all through just to prove some adolescent point. The little brat has decided that we are now going to play a game of hide and seek to test her super-human abilities, and Walter and Anika are headed straight in to her trap and most likely are not aware that they are heading in to a trap at the moment. While Walter will not have any troubles battling with Devries and her enhanced abilities, I do believe that Anika will be in much danger if Devries decides to loose her wrath upon her sister. It may be best to bring her home Harker, so please consider that.  
Even though I have read her message that I have attached many times, I still cannot decide what she truly means to do to us or where she plans on going next in her fool's journey across the world. I fear she is going to head straight to the Vatican and tell our entire history and our secrets to the only organization that wishes to disengage all of our activities for their own personal glory.  
Walter, I have tracked this email and see that even though she did a proficient hacking job to make it appear as if she was sitting in the manor house in London when she composed the message, it was sent from a computer on the campus of UCLA.  
Do have a good time while in America. I have heard from former colleagues that California is quite a nice place to visit this time of year, but do not let the warm weather distract you from your mission. Devries is to be returned to the family no matter the cost. Walter, Anika, you both fully understand your mission, and I pray that you receive this message before you start searching Tokyo for Devries' whereabouts. Immediately find a flight to Los Angeles. I will send you more information of the aliases and bank account activity as soon as my search is complete.  
Harker, I would like for you to ask the Vatican if I can travel to America for no more than to enjoy a holiday. Make sure you mention that I will even allow one of their agents to come with me, for this will reassure them that I am not trying to harm anyone or anything, and they will not send an agent with me. It would be bloody pointless to do so.  
Alucard has asked to remain in the London manor house to rest for an unknown time, for he has grown weary with this age. He only wishes to be resurrected when Devries finally decides to take control of the Organization of her own will, as he refuses to serve a master that does not have the proper authority and want to lead such forces.  
I will go to sleep as well if Devries truly does not wish to take control of my Organization, for I will not be able to bear serving Anika or you any longer Harker. This is not the dream that our ancestor had for the Hellsing Organization and the Royal Order of Protestant Knights, and it sickens me to the point of tears when I am forced to look upon the state of the Organization.  
Hell, I am surprised the MI-5 and the lot of the Round Table membership has allowed this farce of civility between you and the Vatican to continue for so long. But then again, they truly hated me because I was a woman, because I was too strong willed, because I had not married and sent my husband to their association, because I kept trained vampires in my service, because my maternal line is from India, because. . . .just because.  
How have the conferences been Harker? I am curious to know if you were immediately welcomed because you are male and were known to have supposedly tamed the beast that was Sir Integral Wingates Hellsing, or if the old men cared to see a new leader of Hellsing when they tried so hard to label the Organization as traitorous. Did they ever try to harm you or your reputation?  
I am guessing by their approval of the Vatican treaties that they welcomed you with full approval.  
How bloody pathetic. . . . .  
I do need to stop ranting about the former inadequacies of the Round Table Conference members and I should return to my search for Devries. I have not located her new alias as of the moment, but my search is showing that she is using her real name around the Los Angeles area very sparingly. I do not doubt that this is meant to give us a clue to her whereabouts, just so she can dart off in another direction.  
Please call Father Maxwell and ask of the situation concerning my short leave from Hellsing territory and let me know his answer immediately. I do believe that if we have both Walter and myself closing in on the heiress from both directions that one of us will catch her and force her to return home, so I think I will leave Holland without Vatican permission if I am not granted such a convenience.  
Read the attached message, and comment back to me on whatever you can discern from Devries' message if I have not mentioned that fact already.  
  
We are on a mission from God.  
  
Argetni 


	26. Harker 4

To answer the review about how and where I pulled the email addresses from:  
  
The addresses listed all ended with @hellsingorg.uk, which obviously signifies that these are work/business addresses for all those involved with the Hellsing Organization, and the .uk is to signify that their server is hosted in England. That is all obvious enough.  
  
Now, I thought the rest would be equally as obvious, but since it wasn't, here goes. Harker, Lillith, Anika, Walter, Seras, and Integral/Argetni are listed in the last chapter. Using last names, like all colleges and businesses tend to use, Seras and Walter's addresses should be quite obvious from the rest. The problem lies in the fact that most addresses used in the Hellsing Organization's database have users with the last name of Hellsing. So saying hellsing@hellsingorg.uk makes one wonder if it was anyone from Integral's father to Anika. Hence the addition of initials before the last name, which also occurred in other names, but that is just because many places also do that when creating an email address. The 'v' in Anika's and Harker's addresses is because they shortened the 'van' prefix, which is done quite a bit with the van, von, van der, etc. names when reading European transactions. And for those that didn't remember the comments made by Seras back in Disgrace, Lillith had been working for the Organization before she married Harker, hence the Edwards email address, which is obviously her maiden name.  
  
I really hope that just didn't confuse you more.  
  
As always, please review this weird little thing. It does make me happy to get those bot@fanfiction.net messages in my mailbox, so go ahead and make me happy by filling up my mailbox with reviews ^_^ Perhaps it will spur me in to writing more.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
December 4, via email  
  
To the most honorable head of the Iscariot Organization Father Enrico Maxwell,  
  
I assume that the first week of Advent has already begun in your blessed city, and most of your energies are being focused on preparing for the joyous season that precedes Christ's birth. May you have a happy Christmas, Father.  
I also do realize that you have asked in prior communications for the Hellsing Organization to not speak of business during the two holiest seasons of the Catholic faith, and I would like to apologize right now for writing this message to you. Believe me, I would much rather be spending time with my family in celebration of the holiday instead of chasing after ghouls, FREAKS, and the lot of creatures we must silence.  
Unfortunately, you do know as well as I do that the unholy demons that we fight do not have a respect for God and the holiest times of the year. I know that there is no activity on the Continent, and there has not been since your men stopped the last werewolf threat while my employees silenced the FREAK vampires. England and her kingdoms are also quite peaceful right now, and I would like to open the doors for any of your membership to return home for the holidays if it fancies them. We at Hellsing do not wish to impede any man access to his family and home during this season, so we will not bother any of your priests or sisters as long as they do not cause problems on our island.  
Returning to the reason as to why I must write to you immediately, I have received a telephone call from Austin Wellox, the head of the North American Preternatural Hunters Club asking for support from my Hellsing Organization on an upcoming mission in their vast territory. They wish to have one of my vampires in their service, and I believe that Argetni is the least likely to wish to remain on American soil of the three, so I suggested that they could use her for the mission.  
But as you well know, I could not commit any of my services to the NAPHC because of the treaty secured between our Organizations forbidding my vampires access to any lands except territories controlled by Holland, Belgium, and the United Kingdom, while your membership is to remain outside of these lands.  
Years prior, you personally asked the former head of the NAPHC to send some of his employees to help with the search for Father Anderson when the alleged King of the Vampires trapped him in his Romanian stronghold, as you asked my Organization and numerous others to help as well. Mr. Wellox has not forgotten the service that his predecessor lent to you in your time of need, and he will some day ask for your Organization to send one of her glorious paladins to American soil.  
Could you bear to hear of another priestly scandal coming from America? I am certain that the Vatican's information control in North America is far less concerned with concealing the fact that it has regenerators in its ranks and more concerned with proving that all priests are not pedophiles or homosexual.  
What would the American public think of seeing a man wielding a giant blade, then speaking Latin or Aramaic incantations as he slides the blessed blade through a monster's throat or heart? Granted, it is the job of your priest to destroy vampires and other undead creatures, but the American public does enjoy its scandal, especially when it deals with the institution of the Catholic Church. And of course, you will encounter those liberals that will protest the killing of any creature, even though the beings that we hunt are harmful to the entire population.  
Do not think that we Protestants have any less trouble in that country, for you may remember a certain incident that divided our churches even more involving a homosexual bishop. Fortunately, our media control works a little more efficiently than yours, so we did not have to deal with that scandal for too long.  
Father, I do think we can come to an agreement for this situation. The NAPHC is willing to trade our help in America for yours, as we are an allied force, as long as you allow my vampire to leave Hellsing's lands.  
The choice is yours, and I do hope you consider all the information of Argetni and the state of your church in that country before you reply.  
  
I am looking forward to your reply,  
  
Harker M.v.Hellsing 


	27. Maxwell Harker Argetni

In the Disgrace style of writing, this chapter would actually be three chapters in length, but as this is now Dishonor, I have taken a different approach to the writing, namely the 1000 word or more chapter to give you, my readers, enough to think upon as to where this fic is going.  
  
Doesn't it seem obvious as to where I'm going with this? Don't be too certain that you actually know.  
  
So on that note, how about an official prize of some sort to the reader that can actually figure out my plans for this fic and where it will end. For I have the ending complete. Now it's just time to see how I plan on getting us there. *smile*  
  
As for what the prize actually consists of, perhaps some manga that I was planning on selling. And yes, I will reward the first person with a correct and detailed answer as to how this is going to play out. You have until chapter 29 to answer via review if you want to participate. Right now, I'm thinking of selling Real Bout High School, INVU, Happy Mania, and X, so those are your choices, as well as offering Hellsing #1 when it finally comes out on December 3.  
  
Just one more thing, there won't be any updates for a week (rough guess) as I'll be in New Jersey for part of that time, and then spending the next couple days after I return home catching up on things totally unrelated to fanfiction.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
December 5, via email  
  
To the leader of the Hellsing Organization, Sir Harker van Hellsing,  
  
Formalities aside, I have read your message and am quite displeased with your want to break our treaty and help the NAPHC in their meaningless mission, and I will not allow your vampire filth to travel to another section of the world to spread her vile plague through the Americas. The United States and her western sisters have more than enough problems already; adding a succubus to that already godless mix would prove quite harmful.  
Though you and I will have a conversation in Geneva on January 21 of next year to discuss the future of Hellsing and Iscariot, I must repeat my request that you never initiate correspondence with my organization or me during the Holy Seasons. While your religion may not think that the birth of our savior is worthy of praise, ours would not have been founded if not for Christ humbling himself to be born as a man, and if our religion would not have been founded, I fear that you Harker, would still be a druid.  
I am also quite angered that you felt the need to bring in a nearly two decade old scandal that shattered the peace between both of our churches and the media as a reason as to why my Vatican fathers could not go to that country. Any fool knows that blackmail is not the way to make people cooperate willingly.  
You have created quite a controversy my good man.  
  
Father Enrico Maxwell, Vatican Section X I I I, Iscariot Organization  
  
December 5, via email  
  
Forwarded Message Attached- Re: Vatican Approval for Mission  
  
Argetni,  
As you can plainly see from the attached message, Iscariot does not want you to leave our territories. You will also most assuredly have a hearty chuckle from the fact that I have upset the Vatican yet again, so go ahead Argetni. Make light of my shortcomings, because I'm SO certain that you could have done better in this situation. . . .  
Now, I know you are quite headstrong and quite capable of handling this mission in complete secrecy, but I do not wish to upset the Vatican any further than I already have done. We both know how dangerous an enemy the Catholics can be, and I do not wish to fight that sort of battle.  
I also do realize that being a succubus, you are a godless being, and therefore would never mind an order given to you by an organization that has pledged its entire 2000 year existence to serving a single god. So as your master's father, I beg you to do what is right and stay in the service of your master. You know what that entails.  
Make certain that Alucard returns to the London manor house, for I would rather you two be apart for the present. I think it will serve you both quite well to not be near each other for some time, as you do have eternity together, and eternity is quite a long existence. You can go to the Dutch West Indies via England's airports, and then you will never have to leave non-Hellsing controlled territory.  
Please remember to stay quiet in the face of your adversaries. It does make one more becoming.  
  
Remember your mission and your master always,  
  
Harker  
  
Dec 5, via email  
  
Re: FWD: Re: Vatican Approval for Mission  
  
Harker,  
I have relayed the message to Alucard about heading to London for some time away from the missions and me, and he has already journeyed to the island where we should all reside permanently. He is grateful for the allotted holiday, and will show his gratitude when you least expect it dear Harker. I do hope that you will enjoy Alucard's treats.  
We both knew that before you asked the Vatican about the possibility of me heading to America that they would refuse, but I do enjoy seeing that you still follow my orders. I will go to the Dutch West Indies, and then the Vatican will lose track of my journey, and I will then accompany Devries back home to London where we can all work to convince her of the importance of her duty to the family.  
Did either of our fathers ever really have to push us to follow the path chosen by our ancestors when we were young? I remember how much I looked forward to lessons with my father, and I know that you enjoyed the classes he gave you as well. I even remember that Uncle Richard had to take you away as you screamed injustice when my father announced I was the rightful heiress to the family name and the Organization.  
Why is it that both of the children of this generation are completely opposed to following our sacred duty from God? I could understand Anika's lack of ambition with vampire hunting, as her Hellsing blood is quite diluted compared to Devries, but for the child of two Hellsing family members and the relative to the original Harker family that dearest Abram trusted above all should have some natural want to lead the Organization.  
Hell, my bastardized part Indian self that totally forsake her Dutch heritage and you with your knighting by the Dutch monarchy are more Hellsing than the children. Even as a vampire, I am more fit to run the Organization than either child.  
You do not need to hear these rants about our daughter and her younger sister at this time. It is my pride as a member of the Hellsing family and a member of the true undead that has always caused me problems in both of my lives.  
The only thing that we must remember is that Devries will be returned and she will begin to appreciate all that the family has given her. She will bear the responsibility of a Hellsing, and she will enjoy every bloody minute of her existence when she returns.  
I am waiting for my travel plans to be confirmed, but I will be leaving within the night with any luck. Give me ten days and Devries will be sitting at her desk yet again.  
And just as a little note, I must applaud your newfound skills with handling the Vatican. Only a true idiot or someone that is quite confident with their life and faith can send a bold-faced lie directly to a man like Father Maxwell and make him believe the words written in its body. Your message to the Catholics brought a smile to my lips, as that degenerate boar does not deserve the power that his sickly Pope has allowed.  
Please have everything ready for Devries arrival in London. I promise she will be home within ten days.  
  
Argetni 


	28. Devries 8

Well, I'm back from Jersey, and it was wonderful fun! But now I'm so involved with horse things that I've got finals, making 4 horses competition-ready by January, playing show manager for one show in December, and playing judge for another December show, topped with making the uber-lesson plan for my student teaching class (it's about pollution and lake ecosystems. . . .joy). And somehow, in this mess, I've still got to work. So we can see where writing fics would be on this list. . . .  
  
I apologize for the lack of updates, but I do think this will be ending shortly, unless I get more ideas.  
  
I didn't get a SINGLE review for the last chapter either, not even a "hey I read the update" through IM. I'm dead serious about having that guess the outcome contest with a manga series as a prize. (or doujinshi. I've got over 100 that sit in a chest in my room. Or perhaps a Fantastic Four #25 would spark interest) Even if you're not participating in the guessing game, please review. It just makes me happy to hear from my readers.  
  
And if you're interested in knowing more about the person behind Mew, an entire biography can be found at (though it's kinda boring because it's 100% factual)  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
December 6  
  
Chicago, IL, USA  
  
Why did I decide to bring my beloved journal of my old life along with me in my quest for absolute freedom from the confines of my family and duty? Is it not a reminder of the servitude and bond I share with generations upon generations of Abram's descendants to a world that does not even believe in creatures such as those we are pledged to destroy? As I have learned in America, Hellsing and everything involved with her are mere stories used to lull children in to a wicked sleep.  
And yet I write in here as if nothing has changed between my family and me, and I pretend that I have not changed even the slightest bit as I lay on my stomach on the rented bed with one hand twirling in my hair as my other writes. I am quite pathetic for being so childish as to not be able to leave children's activities and delusions behind me forever.  
I cannot pinpoint the exact day or time that I decided that I could no longer deal with the pressures and responsibilities that the heir of Hellsing is expected to bear throughout his or her entire life, but it seemed as if a fog had been lifted from my mind over the course of the recent months. I can finally see that the sacrifice that we all make as members of the glorious Hellsing family is for naught, as we will all die early and unloved from the nature of our work.  
Never was I a problem child. Never did I beg my father to allow me a day away from the rigorous training that he subjected me to because of my birthright. No, I saw what a whining, materialistic child looked like to observers because of my sister Anika. I decided at an early age that I would be a studious and praiseworthy child for both my father and my allegedly deceased mother. The years spent in the mundane existence of a proper lady and heiress allowed me even more opportunities to show how exquisite and genteel I had trained myself to be, but also to prove how determined and strong-willed a future matriarch of the Hellsing family must be in order to survive the male tradition of the Round Table and world of the elite.  
Anika. I do envy her child-like innocence and radiant beauty that shines from within her pure, uncorrupted soul. My dear sister is blessed to have been born to a woman other than Integral Wingates, for she never will have to bury a dark secret deep inside her, for darkness of the soul leads to corruption of the body and mind.  
. . . . .  
Damned pen. That comment should be stricken from this entry as it sounds as if some sort of innuendo, but alas, even if I were to scratch the words from this side of the paper, a skilled eye could still discern the words from the other side.  
I mean to say that Anika has not been tainted from birth with some sort of torturous fact, like I was every time someone mentioned how brave I was for living without my mother, or how perfect I was for taking interest in the matters of Hellsing. Who would take interest in the matters of Hellsing if I did not?  
I am not certain if I regret running away from my family and the traditions associated with our name. For the first time in my life, I am enjoying the choices that I am making, and although I am a fugitive in a foreign land, I have finally opened up and relaxed, though it was difficult to force myself to go do things regular teenagers do, like go to night clubs or to 'hang out with friends', as the new acquaintances I have found in this dreary city say to each other.  
Yes, for the first time in my life, I have successfully made friendly acquaintances with people of my own age. These Americans, while quite base, are jovial and kind souls that are looking for no more in life than fun. They laughed at my name, but more for the aesthetic value of being named Hellsing than joking about the fact that vampires and the Organization exist only in my imagination. I have been invited out again tonight with these young men and women to some sort of Christmas party, though why anyone would have a Christmas party almost a month before the actual holiday boggles my mind.  
But while I am having fun with my new life, I cannot help to wonder what is the fate of Hellsing now that her heiress has forsaken her? Will Anika be forced to take the leading role and learn all of the family's secrets? Will Father choose one not of the bloodline to govern the estate? Will Lillith offer to bear another child to be brainwashed into the service of Hellsing? Or will my mother just take power once again to be the eternal leader of Hellsing?  
I pity whoever is chosen.  
I can feel both Seras' and Argetni's presences as they make their way across this country. Father was incredibly ignorant to send two vampires after me, for I know that they are coming. He would have done better to send common troops in plain clothes to kidnap me, for then I would not have prior warning of the presence of Hellsing, and I could not run from this place days before the vampires descend on me.  
I will not run any longer. Seras and Argetni will come to Chicago, and they will be in for a surprise. I cannot say if I will fight to remain here or if I will grudgingly return to my studies in London, but if I must be forced to do something that I do not wish, those two blasted vampires will be forced to do the same.  
Ahh, I need to prepare for this so-called party tonight. Hailey and Kirsten forced me to go shopping earlier in the day to buy me a corset and skirt so I can fit in with the rest of the group at this gathering, so I must go accustom myself to wearing something so tight and revealing.  
But tonight shall be fun, for they've planned for me to meet a friend of theirs that I will apparently adore, or so I've been told. I just pray that this James is not some bloody bastard that will just be making unwanted advances the entire night.  
  
A Hellsing, Always and Forevermore,  
  
Devries 


	29. Anika 3

You know the best way not to get a review for a chapter? Forgetting to post it. So I apologize for the whining in the last chapter about not having reviews. . . . because once I got to ff.net, I realized I hadn't posted.  
  
So yeah. This is the last chapter that you can review to participate in the "guess the ending" contest, so review and make your predictions! ^_^  
  
And I do like all reviews. Every single last one of them.  
  
To respond to a review by Thess: Thank you so much for reading it all this time. ^_^ But as for those few things, here's what goes on inside my head for the Dis- series. In Order 10, you see a photo on the desk of what I assume is Integral's mother holding her as a baby. The woman is wrapped in a sarong, which much is plain to see. Building on the fact that India was a former British territory, I've decided that Ms. Wingates is part-blooded Indian and she lived there for a time, hence the clothing. (I also do realize that in Order 9 that they infer Integral's mother is dead, just when I started writing this I didn't take the whole scene with Carmilla in to account) Integral was so pale because she doesn't go outside, and Devries just happened to get a throwback gene to give her an olive complexion. (which does happen- my dad's side of the family is part African, I'm about as pale as any white person could be, my dad has mocha skin, and my cousin, who is as pale as me, married a white man and had black children that have been paternity tested as her husband's.)  
  
As for regenerators, who honestly knows what the truth is about them? I'm combining several mythologies to make the fact that a part-blooded vampire that is born that way, not turned, is a regenerator.  
  
And I'm not adding any more organizations to this fic. It's going to center on the family until the end. (eep. . . .can't give away too many hints)  
  
And to Mitsubishi, who reviewed but didn't leave a way for me to contact you, Harker is just Harker. He is the son of Richard Hellsing, Integral's uncle that she killed in the series, and because of the need for a quick marriage so that the Organization could be moved to a new leader without scandal, he was chosen because he had received a little training to do so as a boy. He does carry his father's sentiments of "I'm better than you" toward most everybody, but that's just him. And he calls her Teggy because he always called her Teggy. It's a joke between a couple of my friends saying that us Dutch have a nickname for EVERYTHING. . . . .and it seems that we do.  
  
I'm skipping a few days in this timeline of events, and for those who wish to read why, please go to chapter 6 in Disregard before you read chapter 29 of Dishonor. If you don't care, then just read this.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
December 20, London  
  
Just five more days until Christmas, and then I will be allowed to return to school in Belgium so I can leave behind this overly tense atmosphere between those of the Hellsing family.  
Ever since Devries, Walter, and I returned with the vampires to the London manor, verbal quarrels have been taking place most every few hours, if not more frequently. Mother wants to reprimand Devries for her blatant disregard for the authority of her father and the Organization. Father wishes to remove her indefinitely from the position of the heiress, but force her to marry the successor he chooses for himself. Devries, she does not wish to be here, and stays locked in her room, only allowing Walter in to bring her tea or meals, but reprimanding him if he does not leave her presence within the few seconds it takes to place the tray on the table near the door.  
But the worst arguments stem from Argetni and Father, as the vampire in our service obviously wishes for more liberties for her own demonic existence, and also to take Devries out of his care so that she can mould the girl in the image she feels is correct for the leader of Hellsing. I hear them arguing incessantly as they sit in the office that is just two away from my room, and it is not pleasant.  
I do not understand why this vampire Argetni cares so much about my sister and her role in the Organization. She is but a mere servant of Father's, and she will be a servant to whoever is named leader. Does it matter who is her master? It should not, for she is just a wicked demon with a will of her own, not a part of the family. Our family can never be tainted by the impure blood of that kind.  
Father does not want to see Devries leave the family, even though he sometimes acts as if he does not care for her as much as he cares about me. It is just a different sort of respect that he shows my sister, as she is destined for much greater things than I will ever hope to accomplish.  
I tried to speak with Devries earlier today, but she is still angry with me for bringing the vampires and Walter to America to find her. She says I have betrayed her trust, and I fear that she is correct. I did tell Mother and Father of Devries disappearance, but neither of them is ignorant. They would have realized that the heiress was missing sooner or later, and then the vampires would have been dispatched to retrieve her.  
But my bullheaded sister refuses to see anything other than the vision of the world that resides in her imagination. It is the world where she is just a regular girl with a supernatural ability to detect vampires, but she does not use her powers for more than self-preservation. It is a world where she is free to make her own decisions and live her own life how she wishes.  
That is not the life awarded to the first born of Hellsing. It never has been.  
I left her bedroom and tried to speak with Seras and Walter both, but neither had time to listen to me, as they both rudely stated before going about whatever business they are currently attending.  
Mother, who I can usually turn to, is preparing a trip to Rome in place of Father, as he needs to sort out this mess with Devries before my seventeenth birthday, so that I can be named heiress if she cannot be convinced to fulfill her destiny. She also refused to talk, but then handed me a credit card so I could go shopping for the holidays. Maybe a trip to Harrod's would cheer me up, and perhaps I can find something suitable as a gift for my sister to feel welcomed with the family yet again.  
I do hope that Devries decides to have a happy Christmas this year, her last one before leading our glorious family and Organization in to a new generation.  
  
Anika 


	30. Devries 9

I'm on quite the roll with this fic. ^_^ For some reason spending time with my Aunt Fran just put me in the mood for Hellsing. . . . .perhaps it's the constant degrading I receive, or perhaps it's because I'd like to have Father Anderson have his way with her.  
  
So here's what I learned about myself today: I'm too fat, but I should eat more because it's disrespectful to not eat a meal prepared for you, even if I'm seriously full. I'm gay because I don't have a boyfriend right now, even though last year at this time I did have a boyfriend. I'll never amount to anything because I'm 21 and have two more years of college ahead of me. I'm a loser because I know about computers, but I should teach her how to use excel and the Internet. I watch too many cartoons. And I have weird taste in TV and music because I watched King of the Hill followed by Blast. (If you get a chance to see Blast live, do it. They're bloody amazing)  
  
I'm just thankful that most of my family has either been disowned (dad) or lives in Europe still (mom). I couldn't deal with more than what I have to deal with already.  
  
Review if you read. And I apologize for the grammatical errors in version 1 of chapter 28. I fixed them and reposted the chapter, but it's still basically the same. It's just an example of why writing between midnight and whenever I fall asleep is a bad idea.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
December 21, London  
  
My beloved journal. . . .one day you will be part of the vast collection of Hellsing memorabilia that lines the library shelves of the London manor house, and my ancestors will both laugh and be shamed at the bastardization of our bloodlines that will come through me. More importantly, they will read of the trials of the mind and spirit that I am enduring and understand my guilt and despair of being a non-human leading ordained forces that destroy non-humans, and will hopefully praise me for my resolve to continue with my studies and my duty.  
Seras has been the only being in this house that I can speak to without feeling as if I am on trial for crimes against the family. She always appears in my room at just the right moments, knowing when I want to talk to someone about my problems, and also knowing when it would be best to stay far away from me, as I cannot control my rage or tears anymore. It is damned pathetic to see how the downward spiral of emotion has dragged me to this hollow, extremely fragile person from one with an iron will and resolve in about a month's time.  
Even though I cannot hear the screaming that is coming from Father's office currently, Argetni has purposely reopened the connection between us, and I can hear every word spoken with pure hatred passed between the two. Father is correct though- none of this would have happened if Argetni would not have been so reckless with her love affairs in her youth, leaving her in charge of the Organization still. He could have never returned to this dreary island and lived his life as a Theologian on the Continent as he had planned, but most importantly, I would have never been born.  
I never thought it would hurt so incredibly much to hear someone speak such words, but every time one of those two complains about how unworthy I am of the title of the leader of the Hellsing Organization, I am blinded with hatred and rage. My own mother and father do not wish for me to be alive, so what is the point of my carrying on with this mundane existence?  
That answer is simple. I must prove to them all that I am capable of undertaking the duties of my name and of the traditions associated with the name.  
But each time I have the want to take my books to Father so he can teach me more about this lifestyle, I will overhear Lillith, Walter, of Anika speaking outside my door, wondering if I will be alright and if I am sane enough to lead the Organization, because now that I have proven how unstable I am, Anika wishes to lead in my place.  
Anika! Anyone who would trust Anika with any sort of responsibility is a damned fool, for my sister will never be able to command any respect or authority over the Vatican and the Round Table members.  
This is why I must be harsh with the lot of them, as they are acting like I am still a child; speaking to me as if I do not understand what they say or as if I am nowhere near their conversation. I do think Walter is becoming more and more afraid of my verbal lashings, but the old fool deserves it just as much as does Lillith and my sister.  
Seras has promised to help smuggle me out of the manor house to take me to some of the pubs she frequented before she was turned, and some that she finds wonderful to this day. We are going to find a man for me, and hopefully then I will be able to have human companionship. I think it is a lovely gesture that my vampire is trying to do for me, but I doubt any of the men around London will be interested in a girl like me.  
She even saved the outfit that I was wearing when I was captured in America so that I could wear it when we go out, because she thinks I look positively smashing in it, even better than Argetni could in such clothing.  
I do not know how, because Argenti has the power to make herself appear more beautiful than she actually is, but perhaps that power only works on males.  
This shall be a fun holiday from the volatile atmosphere of this house.  
  
Devries 


	31. Devries 10

Well, more responses to reviewers- in general, I'm really flattered that the lot of you enjoy this fic so much ^_^ I know I call Seras red haired in Disregard chapter 6, but to call her blond, what would I call Argetni/Integral and Devries then? I guess I can add words by calling her strawberry blond. . . .and that's a good thing when I've decided to have a 1000 word minimum on chapters.  
  
As for the Millennium Organization and Crossfire, nope. Not going to happen in this fic. It's winding down and going to finish here shortly as I'm running out of ideas. I do adore Heinkel though, and maybe I'll just have to work on some Anderson/Heinkel fic for my sheer enjoyment if the urge strikes me.  
  
But once this is done, I'll only have 2 fics left to complete! That's just exciting!  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
December 23, London  
  
I do not understand what is happening anymore. Yesterday, I went directly to Father's office after breakfast, knowing that I would catch him before he retired for his daily rest, in order to tell him that I will petition the Royal Family to have my knighting ceremony before my eighteenth birthday as to stop the quarrels within our own family.  
I caught him just as he was locking the chamber door, and setting all pleasantries aside, I explained my case to him, then watched him as he enjoyed a cigarette as we stood in the hallway leading from the office.  
"Devries, are you doing this because you really wish to lead Hellsing, or are you doing this because of your mother?"  
When have I ever been asked my opinion about anything important during my entire life? Granted, I can make small choices in what I wish to have for my meals or for what I wish to purchase, but to give me a life- changing decision so casually is not like my father.  
When I did not reply for a few moments because of the shock the words he spoke sent through me, Father sighed, exhaling a thin trail of menthol smoke before looking across the hall at me with tears in his eyes. We then returned to his office, where he proceeded to speak of his childhood and of how he had been trained alongside my mother, but he was always told in the training that dearest Integral would be the leader. He was never given a choice in the matter of marrying her, and though he tried to be happy in his vows, he could not while he was married to that demon.  
Father then lit a cigar taken from the box that he keeps in the top desk drawer, wiping the tears from his cheeks before continuing with how his father had become disillusioned with power as soon as Arthur had the Queen officially name his daughter as successor, which is why as a child my mother was forced to kill a man.  
He fully understood what a feud in the Hellsing family could do to the successor and those wishing to take command of the troops and vampires, and he admitted in a whisper that he could not bear to see me mentally destroyed like so many others because of the game one must play in order to launch a successful coup in any form.  
And then he set the cigar down in the glass ashtray on the desk, sighing as he looked up at the portrait of my mother.  
"I don't want to see you become like her. You must be strong, Devries, and never allow the cunning of the vampire to confuse you or make you believe that they are superior to us."  
Leaning down, Father unlocked the bottom desk drawer of the mahogany masterpiece that he always sits behind when discussing the Organization, lifting a heavy metallic box from the inside and placing it on the desk with a thud. Explaining that he asked Walter to create a weapon suitable of my talents and overcoming my weaknesses many months ago when I began my training and that he had wanted to give me this for my Christmas present, he opened the case to reveal a near-replica of Alucard's Jackal, engraved with the same "Jesus Christ is in heaven Now" on the barrel. Besides the obvious smaller size of my gun, the only other difference is that our prayer, Impure souls of the living dead shall be banished to eternal damnation, is etched on to the handle. I even have a cache of the same blessed bullets used in the Jackal.  
How I wish to head to the basement to see how powerful my new weapon truly is.  
I am quite happy with a present such as this, and I can fully understand that Father would not wish to present me with such a gift in front of everyone.  
Thanking him, I took the gun and its case from the office and returned to my room, uncertain if he was relieved that I have finally decided to accept my role in the family wholeheartedly, or if he is disappointed and offering me the only means of protection that he feels is adequate in dealing with such creatures.  
Seras has been avoiding me since we secretly went out to the pubs on the outskirts of the city in our unsuccessful attempt to find someone for me, and I did not get a chance to ask if she was given holiday leave or if she has been sent on a mission. I fear that after Argetni discovered that the two of us spent a night out in London together chasing after men and having a fabulous time that a new, unexpected mission was just discovered, and Seras had to go on it without telling anyone else of her trip.  
I wonder if our vampires celebrate Christmas, because neither Argetni nor Alucard has mentioned plans or if they are going to spend the holiday with my family during the training sessions I have been forced in to starting two nights ago. One would assume that they do not follow any holidays associated with any church, but on that same note, it is common knowledge that Argetni was an Anglican Protestant for her entire life. She must still cling to some remnants of her humanity, for she has only been undead for less than twenty years.  
Alas, I must finish this quickly, as Walter has promised to take me shopping for Christmas gifts and he said he would be here as soon as he prepared breakfast for Father. Perhaps a day of celebration, good food and spirits, and well thought-out gifts will improve the mood of the lot of the Hellsing family. God knows we do need help this year.  
  
Devries 


	32. Devries 11

I totally adore Heinkel Wolfe. She's bloody brilliant. I really do need to write a fic centered on her, except I've had no real inspiration for it.  
  
Well, as for this chapter, it was inspired partly by "Blood Canticle" by Anne Rice and partly by thinking about a girl that died on the Kent State campus that was the major news of the day. Her body lay in on her bed inside a dorm room for weeks, the flesh rotting over time and causing quite a stench, yet no one did anything but set cans of Lysol outside of her door to spray away the odor for a trivial amount of time.  
  
Perhaps I am special, or perhaps it is because I grew up on a farm, I can smell death. It has a different stench to it than a regular bad odor. Yet no one on her floor could smell the putrid, black odor for what it was.  
  
So to all the Saints that I offer my prayers to (Gabriel the Archangel and Francis of Assisi) please help ensure that I will not suffer a fate similar to this girl, and please guide her lost soul to heaven, for she needs to be in a place where someone cares finally cares for her. Amen.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
December 25, Christmas Day, London  
  
Anika, Anika, Anika. . . . . God Anika, why? Why did you have to do this to me? To Father and your mother? Why couldn't you have been the innocent and ignorant girl we all believed that you were? What were you trying to prove with this fool-hearted stunt that will lead you to pure madness? Did you truly believe that announcing your engagement to that boyfriend of yours simply because you believe to be with child make everything right in the family?  
Or is it that you do not think?  
I would wager money on the sheer fact that you are still a virgin. That boyfriend of yours would never even dream of touching you in any sexual manner, as he has not matured from boyhood yet. Of course, he looks like a regular young man, but we've all met him. He is just as naïve and pure as you.  
But you HAD to come up with some way of shattering the peace of the family after we have tried to recreate what we were like before I ran away to America. It would have worked too. My plans could have been acted out next August, and you could have been free from the bonds of the family, so why would you want to ruin that?  
You must have noticed that Father had seemed incredibly proud of me as he watched me open the gift of the long sword, that centuries old symbol of my upcoming knighthood, and knew that your chance at ever being remembered in the Hellsing family was coming to its end with the presentation of such a simple gift. But to say you are with child? Dear sister, if this is a lie like I believe, you will be in quite a bit of trouble with both Father and your mother, and I can rest assured that you will be disowned from the family and forced to change your surname.  
My God.  
You want to be forced out of the family.  
Anika, you sly, calculating bitch! I must applaud your bravado, for this has to be a shameful and terrible experience for you. I would be lost as to how to carry such a matter out, but you are doing it without flaw!  
I will not be as thrilled with your deception if you are doing this to prove to me that I was the stupid one who did not think her plan to escape over for more than five minutes.  
But to announce such a thing on Christmas, dear sister, that was poor judgment. You knew that everyone involved with the family would be present at our Christmas dinner. Even the vampires attended this gathering on my Father's insistence, which made you visibly nervous because you were sitting next to Alucard as he slowly drained a blood packet for his meal. Trust me sister, Alucard is not the one to fret about; that honor falls with Argetni.  
If you were truly with child, Alucard would have hinted to the entire group about that fact. That is just his nature, and I do not recall him saying a word about you, but speaking of how he wanted to take me down to the dungeons with my newest toy so that he can properly supervise my target practice.  
It was only when you saw the sword, which would be used in my knighting that you decided to spin a new web of lies. Lillith's reaction did not surprise me, as any mother does not want to hear of her daughter having a child out of wedlock. Walter and the vampires were silent, then quickly dismissed themselves from our company so that we could all hear your story. And what a story it was! My sister, you have such a talent for lies, and this one is quite a masterpiece.  
Father's reaction came as quite a shock. Yes, of course he was angry in your presence, causing you to run away with tears in your eyes, but as soon as you had disappeared from the room, he smiled and told me that I need not worry about ever marrying, as your child could be my heir.  
Just wait until the vampires discover your lie Anika. They will hunt you as the dog you are, beating you in to submission before draining your precious lifeblood drop by glorious drop until you are but a mindless ghoul. Argetni has been persistent in declaring that I am the only true and legal heir to Hellsing, and that the line must continue through me and my children. Pray that the vampires never discover how terrible of a liar and a person you are Anika, for as soon as they do; you will not live to see another sunrise.  
  
Devries 


	33. Lillith Edwards van Hellsing

Another chapter- Two in one night!  
  
I have no idea why I find that exciting. Perhaps it is just my strange sense of humor come to play yet again. Or perhaps it's just because I can't sleep yet.  
  
The disclaimer on this chapter- it's odd. It fits the story, but it's just a bit abstract. In a way. Sort of. Oh hell with it. You'll understand once you read.  
  
And I want to thank the readers of this series for finally sending Disgrace over the 50 review mark. That's a first for me, and I'm really appreciative of the support. ^_^  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
December 26  
  
Merciful God in heaven, I pray for the courage, the strength, and the heavenly guidance that You send to Your humble servants every mortal day to prove Your immense love for Your chosen people. I understand that our family is being tested as a part of Your glorious plan for all mankind, and I do not doubt Your judgment in the matter.  
You love all; You protect all. You have proven your love to me through the many gifts bestowed upon me in my life. Never could I have achieved such status and position in the Church of England if not for Your Will. Never would I have dreamed of being the wife of your glorious Holy Knight, Sir Harker van Hellsing. Never would I have dreamed of raising a child which You destined to become the next of Your Holy Protestant Knights.  
I have continued my duty to my God and my family over the years, being the rock for my daughter and husband, and acting in a manner that Devries could imitate when she becomes the leader of the Hellsing Organization. Never did they praise or scold me for my actions, and their indifference allowed me to feel as if I was doing my duty according to Your will.  
God, I beg of You, please end the trial that You have sent to my family. The van Hellsing's may appear to be strong of will, but this constant game between the mortals, vampires, and each individual that we all must endure has weakened our spirits and our faith. I fear that we will not be able to survive the wrath of the earth much longer if allowed to remain in such a state.  
Help us and guide us, Father in Heaven.  
Amen.  
Sigh.  
And so ends another heartfelt prayer that God will cast a blind eye upon and turn a deaf ear toward so that nothing will ever change in the house of Hellsing. Harker, though I love him with my entire heart and soul, will continue forcing Devries down the wrong paths in life so that he can continue to lead Hellsing without opposition. Devries will learn of the world through the minds and experiences that the vampires wish to give her through the telepathic bonds that she shares with the undead.  
The family will not survive under with these strained tensions between each generation and between the two daughters of the Holy Knight. I can tell Anika is lying about her alleged pregnancy, though I do believe she is engaged to Ian, as his parents called to speak with me about the news that their son has delivered them.  
But why would my daughter feel the need to lie about her condition at a time when we should all be rejoicing with the simple fact that we are together again as a family, and that Devries is finally back to her normal self. The Royal Family has even announced that the knighting ceremony has been moved forward to February, which is why Harker and I decided to give his eldest daughter a coronation sword this holiday.  
Is Anika really that jealous of her sister? We never believed she cared enough about the family and the Organization to ever wish to take command and responsibility over so many lives. We only pushed her toward the goal of leading the family so that Devries would work harder at her own studies, not wanting to see her destiny fall to an incompetent.  
I am afraid for my daughters. Thank God for Seras Victoria, as she was able to break up a fight between the girls this evening as they were headed to bed.  
Even Seras is not certain which one started the fight, but as soon as she was there, the stronger and more powerful Devries had Anika pinned to the ground, grinding her knee in to her younger sister's stomach while she pushed Anika's arms to the floor so she could not attack her.  
I almost hope that Devries instigated the attack, because Anika has to be suicidal to try to battle one that has strength many times greater than a mere human and the power to heal her wounds almost immediately. Anika knows that her sister has been trained by vampires on how to use her powers. How bloody stupid would she have to be to attack?  
But then, if it is Devries that instigated the attack, I fear for Anika's life. The girl has the iron resolve of her mother, and the same accuracy with weapons as the late Sir Hellsing. If she has decided that she wants to kill Anika to make certain that another power struggle in the family does not occur, she will execute her plans, and we will be attending a funeral shortly.  
Seras has agreed to stay near the girls at all hours of the day, splitting her shift with Captain Bernadette who will stand guard outside of their rooms as the girls sleep. Seras and I both agreed that while Argetni would be a stronger force as a bodyguard, we also realized that the vampiress would have trouble remaining neutral, and would most likely love to see Anika's name etched in a piece of granite and her body resting in the family graveyard.  
My poor daughters. I pray that they find peace in the next life, and that God protect them all the rest of their days.  
  
Amen.  
  
Lillith Edwards-van Hellsing 


	34. Alucard 4

And now, for something completely different.  
  
Alucard! (An INCREDIBLY thoughtful Alucard)  
  
Yeah, it has been ages since he's had a chapter, and I think it's time that everyone's favorite demon in red gets a chance to speak for the final time in this weird little piece.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
December 30  
  
What is man that you make so much of him, and that you set your heart on  
him, visit him every morning and test him every moment?  
Job 7: 17-18, Standard English Version  
  
When you read this, dear ancestors of Hellsing, (if there are any remaining after my little master's temper tantrum), do not believe that I have decided to draw nearer to your god, but believe that I have all the time in the world to read every piece of literature ever written, and that every now and then the words of some archaic writer become embedded in my mind so that I will remember them for all my existence.  
No, this passage reminds me of my two most recent fledglings, for it made me laugh when I read the words for the first time as I sat in Master's office years before, back when Integral was still a mortal, reading the texts she placed on the shelves in the room for more of an atmosphere than an actual use. I don't know why it made my laugh at that point of my existence, but I am glad that I stumbled upon such a phrase.  
Even though I write this to my fledgling, my master, my lover, I assume that she will archive this letter, this is why I must explain to the future readers the importance of my Biblical quotation.  
So take this as you will, future readers.  
  
Argetni, my beautiful one, my equal in strength, my only true possession in the immortal realm, why do you think that I served you when you were a mortal? I knew that this day would come, and that you would have to make a choice between remaining with me and returning to the world of men to continue your ridiculous masquerade as a mortal.  
The world will always be yours Argetni, yet you have decided to return once more to your mortal family to live in the constraints of the sunlit world, even though you are a creature that belongs to the night. I do not even know how to react to such a revelation.  
Yes, Argetni, your blood child, the incredibly talented mortal Devries has been the epitome of all that is wrong with the Hellsing family. A blue-blooded child of two cousins, forced into existence because of the sheer vanity of her parents and their staunch refusal to allow another in to the bloodlines of Hellsing as the executive leader.  
Does this make her blood taste more pure than say, yours?  
Of course not. The nearly identical genes of her parents only made her blood overly intoxicating- the taste of ancient nobility with its sickening sweetness that gives it the rotten taste we have all experienced at least once when the seals had to be performed.  
Damn you Argetni. Damn you to the eternal flames that await the realm of the undead monsters that must feed upon the blood of the living. I cannot live like this any more, waiting to see the outcome of my young master's fight for survival as she lay healing herself in the hospital wing of our manor house.  
You planted the disastrous idea in her thoughts. I know that you did, for I could feel your presence in her mind as she pulled the replica of my Jackal from its holster on her hip and aimed directly for her sister after Seras successfully intercepted one of the many arguments the Hellsing sisters have been playing out these past few weeks.  
We all tried to stop her, well, Seras and I did, but no Argetni, you would not allow your daughter to have any form of competition for her father's attention, and especially not for the position that you have coveted since you were old enough to realize what Hellsing is and believes. Seras begged for her to drop the weapon while I waited, ready to strike her down with a bullet from the Casull.  
So with three bullets, one resounding, final shot from the replica- Jackal, and two shots from my own gun, Anika Hellsing lay dead on the third floor of the London manor house, and Devries Hellsing leaned against the wall, expelling a bullet from her forehead that barely injured her. My other bullet hit its target, but the Casull does not have the power of the Jackal, so I was not able to stop the bullet from its intended target.  
Do not interpret this as kindness from me, no. I could have stopped the bullet before it even reached Anika, but what would that have accomplished? We would still be in this same exact mess, except Anika would be alive.  
It was already too late to save Anika, as the hole created by the replica-Jackal's bullet had blasted a quarter of the girl's skull away.  
And while Seras was crying her blood tears as she pried the gun out of Devries hand while I was kneeling next to Anika trying to see if there was any way possible to save her before her parents came to the scene, you appeared behind Devries, hugging her around the waist, purring about how wonderful she had done by executing the filth that wished to pollute the family. Of course, Devries was too frightened to do anything but lean against you as she sobbed.  
Then you had to have your revenge, didn't you?  
I hate you Argetni. You are by far the most vile fledgling I have ever created, and you are worse than I ever have been in any of my quests for power or blood, for at least I have some sense of morality and responsibility for my actions.  
This is why I must leave, you damned punk, you fucking vile monster.  
As soon as Devries is dead, there will be no human relative of Abram left to bind me to this family.  
But what do you care, Argetni? You are leading your precious Organization once again. That is all that matters, am I correct?  
Goodbye Miss Hellsing. Releasing Control Art Restriction to Level 1. (did you not realize I could release my own seals, former master?) Unlimited Release, authorizing the Cromwell Initiative. I, now my own master, command it!  
So come battle me, MONSTER.  
Even if you do not wish to encounter me, I will always be ready and waiting for opportunities to crush you and the Organization, much as I wished to do so many years ago when Abram, Jonathan, Quincy, and Mina all trekked to my castle in search of dear Lucy's tormentor. Rest assured, I will be successful this time.  
It was ironic and quite fun, was it not?  
  
Vlad 


	35. Seras 4

*evil laughter* No more Alucard/Hellsing bond! Bet that surprised a bunch of you. And now that my prewritten ending is underway, I look forward to hearing your thoughts on my fic.  
  
Who knows what I'll write next. I do need to finish those two fics still, but there's this weird Integral/Heinkel going on in my head.  
  
But thank you for reading, and stay tuned for the final one or two chapters (I didn't think this tied up enough loose ends).  
  
Mew  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
January 2  
  
It is official. Devries Fairbrook Hellsing is dead, and along with her every living relative of Abram van Hellsing, the original vampire hunter of the illustrious family and Hellsing Organization.  
Walter discovered her body just after sunrise this very morning, and alerted Lillith, Argetni, and myself to the disasterous news.  
I have pledged my services to Lillith until her dying day, as this poor woman has borne more loss, pain, and suffering than any mortal should have to deal with in a lifetime. I fear that no one has written these dark stories of Hellsing, so I must recount the entire happening so that the truth will be known instead of the fictional tales of vampires that both our Organization has published and that the Vatican will continue to publish so that mortals never know of our true existence.  
The final confrontation between the Hellsing family happened on December 29 of the previous year. As commissioned by Sir Harker, I stayed present at Devries side as she made her way from the wash room, nodding to her younger sister out of formality more than anything else as they passed in the hall.  
It is commonplace for Devries to be armed at all times, and I thought nothing of the holstered gun at her waist. Unfortunately, Anika did, commenting that she felt it was truly pathetic for a leader of Hellsing to hide behind a vampire and a weapon at all times, making sure to add in that it must be genetic through her mother's foul genes, because Sir Integral was the same exact way.  
The girls argued, but no punches were thrown. Nothing happened but a few verbal insults between teenage sisters, so I continued on my way to Devries' room, thinking that she was directly behind me.  
Something was wrong, and I had failed to sense the presence of Argetni until that fateful moment.  
Devries, eyes blazing with a fire I have only ever seen in mortal Integral, turned toward her sister as she drew her gun, chuckling as she aimed directly between her sister's eyes.  
My master immediately came to the scene upon hearing my call for help, and he aimed one of his guns at our young master while I tried to calm Devries, make her wake up from this possession by her mother's spirit, but as I spoke to the girl, I could hear Argetni whispering the command to shoot the gun. All it would take to kill that pathetic creature would be one shot, and then there would be no more trouble in the house of Hellsing for the rest of her life.  
Smirking, Devries pulled the trigger, killing her sister immediately.  
My Master followed suit, shooting twice as he tried to stop the bullet from hitting the younger Hellsing, but it was no use. Anika was destined to die on that night.  
The tall blond recoiled from the bullet to her skull, taking a step backward as she fingered the wound, growling as she expelled the bullet to the floor and cursing my master as she backed toward the wall, her gun now pointed at his head.  
Argetni now materialized fully in our presence, breaking her control over the girl, and as soon as Devries began to look through her own eyes and analyze the situation in the right state of mind, she cried, slumping against Argetni, muttering prayers and how sorry she was for hurting her little sister.  
My master, seemingly relieved that Devries had finally come to a realization of what was happening, kneeled next to Anika, lapping the blood from the wound as a final gesture to break any bond that he would be required to keep to Anika as a relative of Abram.  
If it would have been just the vampires and children in the house that evening, we could have created some story as to why Anika was dead, but unfortunately, ever single member of the Hellsing family, including Walter, was present at the London manor.  
Hearing the gunshots from the third floor, Harker, Lillith, and Walter arrived in just a matter of moments. I held the offending gun in my hands at this point, and Harker noticed this detail. He raised his gun at me, chanting the words so often heard coming from our soldier's tongues, and fired the entire clip.  
To his chagrin, Devries leaped in front of me, taking the bullets to her chest.  
Lillith could not contain her agony, falling to the floor and shrieking for someone to call the police and an ambulance for both Anika and Devries.  
Walter remained in shock. He did not want to harm any of us without knowing what actually happened, and apparently he was receiving different stories through the telepathic links he created with Argetni and Alucard.  
And then, as the bullets were expelled from Devries' body, as she slowly began to regenerate herself to explain what happened and why everything was now destroyed for the family, Argetni called my gun to her through the telekinesis that we are granted in the ranks of the true undead.  
Chuckling, the succubus stepped toward Harker carrying her daughter's weapon, and rested it against his forehead as she pushed him against the wall. Reliving every single affair that the two shared, which just caused Lillith to cry even more, Integral pulled the trigger. Three times.  
Please remember. The original of this gun was able to tear Father Anderson's arms from his body, and this replica is just as powerful. I do not wish to describe the scene of what three bullets to a mortal skull looked like.  
Walter now feared for his safety and the safety of Lillith, so he grabbed the woman and carried her out of the mansion and to one of the cars, where they drove to the SAS headquarters. This was not the time to be worrying about appearances in the eyes of the other Round Table members.  
When the SAS troops arrived, Alucard and I had already cleaned up most of the blood, and Devries was fully healed from all her wounds. Argetni was hiding in the dungeons. We explained that the girl had been possessed and we could not control her actions. We were left in charge of Anika's body, and Devries would be pending trial for murder charges after a mental evaluation.  
The very next day, twelve more gunshots were heard through the entire mansion again, and Walter found Devries laying in her bed with twelve bullets in her head which she was forcibly not expelling, and a suicide note on her bedside table.  
He could not tell Argetni about this, no. She would be furious to know that Devries longed for mortal death, so instead he asked my Master to end her existence.  
And he must have, for he fled the very next day after draining most of the blood from the girl's body, instructing me to drink her veins dry as soon as I could.  
That is why Devries is now officially dead, and I have been released from the care of the Hellsing family, even though I have pledged my service to Lillith Edwards.  
I do not know what Argetni plans to do with the Organization now that she has control of it yet again, but I do not care either. I have had enough of Hellsing for this century.  
  
Seras Victoria, true undead. 


	36. Epilogue 1 Walter 4

Now that my prewritten ending is over, you're probably wondering why on earth I've added more chapters after I've decided to end this fic. Well, there are a few people still alive, first off, and secondly, those same people just lived through this tragedy. I think they'd have something to say about it.  
  
So first to go in the Epilogue, we have Walter the ever faithful servant of the Hellsing family. And I apologize if this chapter is a bit. . . .crappy. The idea came to me while at Eq Team practice as I was riding Tiegi, a weird little pinto thing.  
  
Timeline note- This is in the future by about two decades. I'm assuming that Prince Charles or Prince William will be the head of the British Royal family for this story, and I have been assuming this the entire time.  
  
Responses to reviewers- Alucard's Familiar: *blushes* I'm not THAT good. . . .I do make grammatical mistakes and write the most hellacious run on sentences that mankind has ever known on top of my title "Queen of the Comma Splice". Look at that. I've written an entire paragraph without commas! Go me! *ahem* I'm glad that you enjoyed this crazy story.  
  
Pokkie and KharBevNor- thanks for reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed. Yeah, I do know the ending had some big ol' twists to it, but it's what I felt the story needed. ^_^  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
January 18  
  
I did not feel that it was my place as the retainer of the Hellsing family to be the one to document the demise of this most blessed and unfortunate family, and I am incredibly pleased that Miss Victoria has completed that task already. I received her package from America just recently and have archived the works in the family library, though what family remains alive to read such works?  
My place is at the side of the leader of the Organization, and I will gladly serve my lady with honor and humility for the rest of my life.  
Damned mind. . . .I am the Angel of Death, the Shinigami. I have killed men and ghouls with barely a thought either way on the matter, yet I still must wipe tears from my eyes each time I try to write what happened during those fateful few days in late December, as neither of the Hellsing girls deserved to die in such a manner, especially Devries. Perhaps that is how I should start my tale of the latest change of leadership.  
No words can describe the relief that washed over my being as I returned from the SAS offices with Mistress Lillith when I saw Miss Devries kneeling over her sister in the hallway, hugging the corpse to her chest. None of the bullets that hit Miss Devries had done more than tear her clothing. As soon as Miss Devries had completely regenerated, everyone that remained, well, alive, for the lack of a more correct term, from the household, except Argetni, hurried to a nearby pub for drinks to dull the stinging pain of the incident. Not a soul in the entire country would have been able to tell that Miss Devries should have been killed by human standards because of the sheer number of wounds she received. She is mortal, after all, and she could die, a fact that she was fully aware of.  
That night, we spoke of how wonderful the knighting ceremony would be, and that the King may even move the event forward because of the incident. Miss Devries chuckled as she slowly sipped her martini, reassuring everyone that she would be fine as soon as she was allowed to execute her plans for the Hellsing Organization, and that we need not fret about her happiness or safety. She could handle herself.  
The very next day, Miss Devries attempted suicide.  
She waited until Lillith was absent from the manor as she prepared for the two upcoming funerals for her husband and daughter, and she was able to sense when the vampires went out to hunt and decide how to deal with this new situation that the Hellsing Organization currently found itself in. I was the only one to hear the twelve shots ring through the house, and I hurried to her bedroom where I saw a sight that no one should EVER witness in their life, mortal or immortal.  
The gun that Miss Devries had in her possession at that time was the replica-Jackal. A normal human or a weak immortal would have been dead from just one shot. Somehow, even though there was but a speck of flesh and bone remaining of what had been her head just minutes before, she had somehow managed to pull the trigger twelve times. Twelve. I cannot even imagine how painful this experience had to be for her.  
I was taken back by this bloody scene, unable to move from her doorway as my mind tried to comprehend what was happening. Crimson splotches mixed with the bright pink of tissue and muscle dotted the walls behind her bed, and the powder blue sheets were now completely ruined by the heavy, stinking, spreading blood.  
And yet the room did not smell of death.  
A blue eye remained fully in tact on the bloody pillow, and as I prayed in a low whisper the iris turned toward me, observing my reaction. A sadness filled the orb as it remained trained on me as I carefully stepped in to the blood-soaked room, and I was finally enlightened.  
Devries wanted death, but she was not allowed such a luxury. Argetni had made absolutely certain that this girl would be the leader of Hellsing, no matter what happened.  
I wanted to weep for the tragedy of the incident, but instead I, Walter Ddollneazz, pried the replica-Jackal from the girl's grip and pocketed the suicide note from the table next to her bed.  
"Do not worry Miss Devries. I will find a way to grant your request."  
Why did I say those words to that poor girl who was already starting to regenerate part of her head and neck as if her body refused to leave the mortal realm? Perhaps I could not bear to see someone in such pain that they would risk their own life to be free. Then again, perhaps I did not wish to see this girl harmed by Argetni both mentally and physically.  
As I exited the room, I made certain to lock her door so that Lillith would not walk in on her currently deformed daughter and have to remember such a sight for the rest of her life.  
Alucard, my friend for so many years, only nodded when I asked if he could help Devries in her plight. I knew that he would rather act like the noble gentleman he had been at his creation rather than the arrogant bastard Argetni had molded him to be.  
I am glad that he was able to break the bonds of his servitude to the family. Alucard deserves to be his own vampire and lead his immortal existence as he desires.  
I am the only member of the former Hellsing inner circle that still remains in service to the leader of the Organization, but I do not know any other life, nor does a stubborn old man such as myself wish to learn how to lead a new and different lifestyle. I will continue to serve my master until I am called to heaven.  
In the wake of this mess, Argetni has decided that instead of creating more scandal and instability for the Hellsing Organization that she will assume the role and name of Devries Fairbrook Hellsing, and has already tricked the mortal police in to believing that she is completely innocent in the death of Miss Anika. I have no idea as to how she was able to accomplish such a feat, but I do not doubt that she has used her vampiric abilities to persuade the authorities. All that remains for my newly-dubbed Devries is to be instated by the King as the leader of the Royal Protestant Knights Hellsing Organization, but His Majesty refused to move the knighting ceremony forward, in respect to the departed members of the Hellsing family.  
The body of the real Devries was buried in Integral's grave without anyone knowing what had been done, except, of course, for Lillith and the vampires.  
The new Devries is quite the sensation of the Round Table conference, as they are impressed with the sheer strength and resolve of her will. Little do they realize this feisty succubus has sat in this position before, and was able to survive the torment as well.  
  
I pity the fool-hearted individuals that dare approach or cross the lady of the manor.  
  
Walter 


	37. Epilogue 2 Argetni 5

I normally rant about my life up here instead of in my blog, (ijsselmeer.pitas.com if you care) but I'm going to spare my readers this rant. Trust me, you're better off not knowing.  
  
Epilogue #2- Sir Devries Fairbrook Hellsing (aka, Argetni.) (aka, Integral, for those who weren't paying attention thru the entire fic)  
  
Comment on reviews- Walter is approximately 69 in the series (or so I read somewhere), so assuming I made Disgrace happen immediately after the series, Walter is approximately 87 in this story. Now, I know that's very old, but I also know of some people in their late 80's that are still really active and mentally sound. Then again, this is coming from someone who is the youngest person in the part of the family that they associate with on a regular basis. . . . by 10 years. And then the next closest in age person to me is 23 years older than the person that's 10 years older than me! So yeah. . . .I have a warped sense on time.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
February 17, London  
  
It is finally complete. Devries Fairbrook Hellsing has been knighted by the King of England as his holy and righteous sword and shield in the never-ending battle against the inhuman creatures that disturb the peace and tranquility of the night in his beloved United Kingdom. The Hellsing family would have been incredibly proud of this accomplishment, had any family been allowed to remain alive since I had to destroy them for the sake of my rightful place near the throne. He even allowed for the suggestion to give every female leader of any of the Round Table membership the title of 'Integral' to be placed in front of their real name in honor of the first woman to lead any of the Holy Protestant Knights, so I now can change my name to a more familiar moniker.  
But all is fair in love, war, and politics, with this matter being one that involves all three aspects of the statement.  
I am quite thankful that Harker separated Devries from all formal society as a teen, for my appearance and demeanor is exactly what everyone in the Round Table conference and the Royal Family has come to believe is correct for the heiress-turned-leader of Hellsing. Thank God for Harker's and my nearly identical genes, for I could not have been able to deceive anyone as easily if not for the fact my daughter was almost a mirror image of me.  
Of course, I must always wear blue contact lenses when in the presence of anyone that is not of my inner circle, which consists only of Walter now. Alucard has disappeared, and Seras has taken Lillith away from the Organization and England altogether so as to never hear of Hellsing again. They are somewhere in America, and the compensation that I awarded the two women is enough to keep them silent for at least all of Lillith's life.  
Lillith is a threat to everything that I have created for the Organization, but I believe she has enough sense to fear what I can and will do to her if she ever tries to harm my reputation or to reveal my identity. Although, I do not see her acting on her anger even if I was mortal, for she knows she has returned to the nothingness which Harker dragged her from. Then again, she still thinks that Alucard is my lap dog, so to speak.  
I do not know what to think about Alucard's disappearance and freedom from my Organization. As immortals, we cannot bear the presence of another immortal's company after so much time spent in close quarters, and perhaps nearly thirty years of living together in this mansion has made me repulsive in his perspective. I do have to agree that we were not as close as we were before, back when I was mortal and also when I was a newly baptized fledgling, and I must admit that he was not the easiest man to spend any amount of time with. Alucard was always trying to engage both Seras and I in mind games or criticizing our every move when we did not please him.  
He dared to call me a monster for killing my repulsive ex husband!?! Any fool would have killed Harker a million times over before I actually pulled the trigger on that fateful night. That is just like Alucard. He, the creature with a history of killing the innocent alongside the wicked, condemned me.  
It is really quite amusing if one thinks on this entire situation.  
Do I regret killing Harker? No. I could care less if his soul did not journey to heaven or hell, nor do I wish him the suffering of the purgatory which leaving his spirit behind to wander the earth would create. He deserved his fate, as did Anika.  
It is just a pity that my late daughter could not realize such a matter before she became too emotional and decided to destroy herself. (And I could smell Alucard and Seras on her corpse when I watched our men lower her body in to my grave. They helped her die, and I will find a way to exact the perfect revenge so they can know my pain.)  
Perhaps I should thank them before I destroy their sanity and immortal lives, because without my daughter's passing I would not have the means of physically leading Hellsing again, because everyone knows that the Organization must be in the responsibility of a mortal, or at least someone younger than my dear deceased cousin.  
But there will always be a Devries. No matter who claims to be pure of blood and a member of the Hellsing family, Devries will be in charge of the Organization and have the absolute power and authority to command Hellsing as she fancies. It will be signed in to Hellsing law tomorrow that she can be the only rightful leader of the Organization, now and forever.  
In my guise as Devries, I have fooled every law enforcement and judiciary appointment in London, and none have even the slightest clue that they have been tricked. Devries has been cleared of all charges, with the blame for the murders now being passed on to Alucard because of the bullets extracted from Harker and Anika during the autopsies. The SAS, MI-5, and ever other important official knew of his mental instability, so it was of no surprise that the vampire would do such a thing.  
But what do I have now that my daughter is dead and I have assumed her role? Why did I work so ferverently to keep up the appearance of having a mortal running my Organization when I have ended up as the leader yet again? Would not it have been better for me to have never included Harker in my life, therefore not bringing Devries, Lillith, or Anika in to the tangled web and shadowed history of the Hellsing family business?  
There are no simple answers to these questions. . . .  
Perhaps I will tire of leading my Organization and I will find another mortal male to produce another child with so that he or she can lead Hellsing while I leave the drudgery and spotlight for a time so I can pursue other means of keeping my sanity throughout my immortal life. I will not make the mistake of asking the male to stay with me again, as I do believe that it was Harker's fault alone that destroyed Devries' life and sanity with the lies he repeated about me and my former associates.  
But then again, certain sacrifices must always be made as the prerequisite for glory.  
  
Sir Integral Devries Fairbrook Hellsing 


	38. Epilogue 3 Lillith 2

The last two epilogue chapters have been inspired by "What it is to Burn" by Finch. Now, the song reminds me more of Alucard than anyone else (well, my twisted Alucard) but it brought me back to the spirit of writing Hellsing. And then after thinking about the song, I was reminded of Devries in a very odd way.  
  
So here's Epilogue #3, Lillith Edwards-van Hellsing  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
December 14  
  
South Russell, Ohio  
  
I never could have imagined that this year would pass me by so quickly, but then if I think upon all the times Seras and I have moved from city to city and then suburb to suburb in this uncivilized and damnable country where I have been forced to reside, I can understand how each trek across the continent has made time appear to fly.  
Together we finally decided that this quiet pseudo-Midwestern town suited both of our needs, as she has easy access to a large city that is teaming with live prey for her blood appetite, and I can have the solitude and luxury that I have grown accustomed to thanks to my late husband, as well as being able to hold a wonderful job at a nearby hospital research center, which I received due to contacts that my husband had with them, for they made the synthetic blood we fed our vampires.  
Our house is quite modest for the area, but it is by no means small or in need of any repairs, it is just that most people in the area have large farms and manor houses, while we have a small plot of land and a two story Tudor-style house with four bedrooms and three baths.  
Look at me describing all this mundane, useless, nonsensical trash.  
I have focused all my extra time and energy in to my home and work so that I would not have the time to lament the deaths of the three people I cared the most for in this world. This usually works, but apparently not today.  
Perhaps this is because it has been nearly a year since Anika and Harker were murdered before Devries committed suicide. I still do not fully understand why my step-daughter would become so irate with her position in the Organization, as she strived from a very early age to be the perfect Hellsing. I do not wish to blame anyone for the death of my family, but every single idea or assumption as to why this atrocity occurred singles out that she-devil Argenti as the main, if not only, influence on Devries' actions those fateful days last December.  
Until I pass from this world, I will never be able to forgive Argetni for her crimes against the family she claimed to have loved with all her being. If she loved Hellsing and her Organization, she would have promised to guide both Harker and Devries, and then Devries' children, grandchildren, and so on, so that someone with the knowledge of how Hellsing worked in the past and the most effective ways of dealing with each type of undead and blasphemous creature that could possibly arise.  
That was never Argetni's style, not even as a mortal. She was always to be the center of attention. She needed to be in control or she could not handle whatever situation she would find herself in. So she used her own daughter as the proverbial springboard to leap back in to the public spotlight as the leader of the Hellsing Organization, tainting Devries' name by assuming it for all purposes.  
The bitch even held me under her spell for a brief time the previous winter, as I was present at her knighting, even praising my Devries for her lovely accomplishment.  
MY Devries did not even have a proper funeral. Walter and a few of the upper level officers unceremoniously lowered her body in to the grave marked for Integral Wingates Hellsing from so many years prior as Argetni, Seras, and I watched the spectacle.  
Anika's death is still quite a mystery to me. Seras has told me repeatedly that Argetni's influence over Devries' mind at the time was so great that Devries had no idea as to what she was doing, which is why she felt so much remorse and killed herself days later. I find it hard to believe that Devries would have been so weak as to let someone take full control over her mind and body. I know it is terrible to feel that Devries did actually wish to kill Anika, but with as much tension that always remained between the sisters, I cannot help but have such an idea permeate my thoughts every so often.  
I know Argetni never felt any remorse for placing that damnable gun to Harker's head and pulling the trigger at such close range. My dear husband did not even have hope for survival, and I know he was terrified as he stared in to the hellish eyes behind the weapon. I still find it appalling that Harker ever consummated that marriage, as no self-respecting gentleman should EVER have to touch a whore.  
That is all Argetni is and can ever aspire to be. A common whore with the bloodlust. I do find it hilarious that even her pet demon Alucard has run away because he could not handle her brazenness and lack or morality.  
Like he has any room to speak on that subject. . . .  
Unlike the other vampires, I do believe that Seras was chosen by God to be an immortal so that she could be a modern-day saint or angel to the few people she would touch in her long life. She does have to tame the bloodlust every so often, but she will typically drink the medical blood I supply her with on a regular basis. Her bloodlust is of no concern to me; her kindness and compassion make up for her demon qualities a thousand- fold.  
Whenever I needed to cry, Seras was there to comfort me. Whenever I wished to seek revenge on the woman that ruined my life, Seras was there to bring me back to reality. If ever I needed to find a way to forget about my troubled life, Seras would provide the distraction. And when I wanted to end my own life so I could finally be with the rest of my family, Seras helped bring me out of my depression and set me right again.  
She is equally upset with Argetni as I am, with her anger stemming from the events that happened on that fateful night when Integral allowed herself to be turned, but she is sensible and indirect with her anger. We have both decided that the most fitting punishment for the newest leader of Hellsing is to leave her to her own whims. Without the vampires she had become dependant on for most of her existence on this earth, she will find how absolutely useless her Organization has become.  
Of course, Argetni will never admit to having such problems, but we know she will as soon as the newest threat to the night travels from this continent to the beloved island where I was born. The NAPHC is having trouble with them already, though Seras tears through the hybrid monsters quite easily whenever she decides to travel to New York, Chicago, Detroit, and sometimes Cleveland with the NAPHC as a mercenary and undead hunting expert.  
Alas, I should head out to my car so I can begin to warm it up for Seras. She wishes to take me Christmas shopping this moonlit snowy night in the hopes that my depression will lift yet again.  
I really do not know where I would be today without the support of Seras Victoria.  
  
Lillith Edwards-van Hellsing 


	39. Epilogue 4 Suicide Notes

Thank you yet again for reading Dishonor, my dear readers. I know this has been a long journey, and that some things may still be unresolved, but I must always leave room for sequels, even if I really don't want to write said sequel at this point in time.  
  
This is the final epilogue chapter- the finally archived suicide note of Devries Fairbrook van Hellsing.  
  
Again, these last few chapters were inspired by "What It Is To Burn" by Finch. That's what the italicized lyrics in parenthesis are from.  
  
And as always, I appreciate reviews.  
  
Thank you for sticking with this fic. ^_^  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
December 17, South Russell, Ohio  
  
Walter,  
I finally decided that Lillith was able to bear reading Devries' last note, so now I am returning it to you and the Organization as an archived testament for any new additions to the Hellsing bloodline that Argetni decides to create in her boredom. Let them see what a former heir of Hellsing went through, one that was not forged in to a perfect apathetic being, so that they may understand the role life has cast their poor souls.  
I do hope you are in good health, and Lillith sends her love. Have as happy of a Christmas as you can, and please send me any word of my Master if you are fortunate enough to hear from him.  
  
Seras  
  
December 30 (Released December 17 to Hellsing Archives via Walter C. Ddollneazz)  
  
"The sky is beating above me, and I am blistered  
I walk these signs of blasphemy every day."  
  
Dearest Lillith, Seras, Walter, and Alucard,  
  
Today I have decided that I cannot bear the shame of my actions nor live with the consequences of guilt that will plague me throughout the rest of my mortal life. I did not mean to kill Anika. I never wanted to see her die, no matter how annoying and childish I constantly told her she was when we were together.  
She was just an innocent little girl. Something that I never was allowed to be.  
I am not angry at any one of you for anything that has happened in my life, so please, do not feel that my death is revenge for what I was forced to become or for what I was born to be, but that I cannot bear the responsibility of being an inhuman monster in the world of sunlight and mortals.  
Never have I had a feeling of belonging with any group, whether it was at school, riding club, or even the family. Sadly, I do believe this stems from the fact that I am neither human nor monster, and that I am basically an orphan, even though my parents are supposedly involved in my life.  
I was truly possessed when I pulled the trigger to my gun that night, but a part of me honestly did want to harm Anika, though I only wished to hit her, nothing more. Maybe that is why I was able to be controlled by the vampire as Father had warned me about so many times before. Or perhaps I am just not as strong as everyone believes, and I just proved another of my weaknesses that night. Those weaknesses make me incapable of leading Hellsing to a new age of glory.  
Perhaps I could have dealt with Anika's death with time, but to witness the ungodly horrors that plagued that fateful night, I will never be normal again, no matter how much counseling I have. Watching Argetni hold that gun to my father's head, the gun he presented me just a few days before, and use it to splatter his brain against the wall has caused too much pain, a pain I am certain will always linger in the depths of my soul.  
I cannot deal with pain any longer.  
Lillith, Mother, I beg you to take control of the Organization due to your ties to the honorable Hellsing family through your marriage to my father. Do not allow Argetni to take what she wants from all of you once again, for you know her rule will be dictatorial, and that you will be forced to move from beloved Europe to some other continent where Hellsing can hold no restrictions on your life. And yet I know that if Argenti has control of the Organization, you will be kept silent for fear of the authorities and Royal Family discovering what she truly is, a hideous inhuman monster. I fear that my death will hurt you the most of all the surviving members of the Organization, but I know you are strong Lillith. You ran the Organization while Father just signed the necessary paperwork and made his appearances at the Round Table Conferences, so why should you not receive the title, glory, and honor that you rightfully deserve because some damned she-freak believes that she is more deserving of the honor? The matter is laughable, really.  
Keep the treaty between the Vatican and our blessed Organization in tact, for they are far more powerful than Argetni believes. Father Anderson is just one of many regenerators in their keep, and though he is considered the most fierce and brutal of the lot, other regenerators are now populating the lower ranks of Iscariot and Crossfire. I fear that a severing of ties between the two European entities will harm not only the troops involved in the specific spats that will arise between us, but also will harm the rest of the world because the inhuman population will run rampant while the territorial war games will rage between the Catholics and Protestants.  
Just think of Ireland or the Middle East and how their religious spats influenced the world at large, and then you will reconsider breaking the treaty.  
As the current leader of the Hellsing Organization, I decree that if I am to die or become incapacitated and unable to perform my duty by any means, Lillith Edwards-van Hellsing, the wife of the late Sir Harker Miles van Hellsing, is the one true heir of the Hellsing Organization and is to be knighted by the King or Queen of England in order to assume her position in the Royal Order of Protestant Knights.  
Seras, please, stay with Lillith and serve her as if she were truly of the bloodline. You were always the kindly stranger during my childhood, and the most matronly figure I had during my adolescence and teenage years. Please Lillith, do not take this as an insult, but you were more concerned with running Hellsing and watching over Anika, which is quite an extraordinary feat to do both, and do both well. Seras, help Lillith gain control of the Organization so that Argetni does not even have a chance at stealing the leadership.  
Walter, you were the only grandparent I ever adored, did you know that? Probably not, since I was never any good at expressing human emotion, especially if I had to speak of love. Oma Hellsing and Grandmother Wingates were never as kind to me as you were, and you never once played favorites with Anika and me like they did. I cannot blame you for being such a remarkable weapon-smith, nor can I blame you for following Father's orders to make such a monstrosity for me to wield, but I am truly honored to be using one of your creations to end my pathetic existence in this mortal realm. I also wish to apologize for being so terribly rude to you over this past month. My behavior was uncalled for, and I do hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for my sins. A man as nice as yourself does not deserve to be treated as I treated you.  
Finally, Alucard. I have no idea as to what you mean to me even after spending so much time in your presence as you, Seras, and Argenti schooled me in the art of hunting inhuman creatures. You honed my regeneration skills to the point of near perfection, and you can take those skills from me, or so I believe. Drink my blood Alucard; your master Hellsing commands it. Bleed me dry, take the curse of the regenerator from me, and be free of the bondage that my ancestors placed upon your soul. I have read the works of the family members that tried so hard to contain you, and I know that upon feasting on all the blood of the Hellsing master, the Control Art Restrictions will be in your power, and you can control your own destiny yet again.  
I do hope you enjoy the gift I am offering you Alucard, and I also hope that you will never cease your torture of Argetni, your vile fledgling who has created this entire debacle of her own free will, just to make certain that she can lead the Organization through me.  
DO NOT LET ARGETNI LEAD THE HELLSING ORGANIZATION EVER AGAIN.  
I do love all of you with all of my heart, even though I may never have shown this love to you while I was alive. Please, allow me the eternal and everlasting peace that comes with the finality of death.  
  
Until we meet again in Hell, dear family.  
  
Devries Fairbrook van Hellsing 


End file.
